Archives---January 2008

January 31, 2008

...P.T. Barnum would be proud.  "(AP) WASHINGTON - Large majorities of voters believe the president has considerable sway on a range of big issues such as inflation, interest rates, the federal deficit, taxes and more. Fully three-quarters believe the president has at least some influence over health care costs, for example. Sixty-nine percent can see the president making gasoline prices go up or down.  They are less certain, though, about the president's ability to change how things really work in Washington: 55 percent think it's possible; 44 percent are doubtful, no matter who's elected.  Call it optimism with a cynical streak. Or cynicism with an optimistic streak."  Suttle World calls it prima facia evidence that way too many Americans have voter registration cards.

...The Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ sends Props to North Henderson County HS senior Morgan McMinn who scored the 2000th point of her high school career last night in a win over Brevard.  McMinn finished the night with 28 points and 11 boards, and is the school's all time leader in scoring, rebounding and blocked shots.

...The "no mas" announcements of Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards yesterday are hardly worth a mention---much like their "campaigns."  The other vital element of presidential politics is the determination of Mike Huckabee to hang on as long as possible.  Suttle World encourages Governor Huckabee to keep pimping the Fair Tax all the way to the dais at the Republican convention.

January 30, 2008

...Two out of three aint bad.  Rudy is out, and Huckabee will press forward at least through Super Tuesday.  Unfortunately the Suttle World gastro-intestinal feel that was believed to be a sign of a Romney win in Florida turned out to be gas.  Uncle Ernie/McCain wins big in Florida, and would seem to have the momentum on his side heading into next week's pseudo national primary.  Suttle World still has difficulty imagining that the GOP will nominate McCain, largely because he is out of step with every faction of his own party.

...Suttle World is perplexed by what appears to be a regional foot fetish that obsesses New England.  Curt Schilling's ankle bleeds a little, and Boston goes wild.  Tom Brady suffers a slight ankle sprain, and photos of his foot are more ubiquitous than Brittany Spears.  Also of note, is that the region was the shoe maker for the world until production shifted to Asian markets over the past couple of decades.  Suttle World believes this to be an unhealthy fixation.

...A check of local news from in and around the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters reveals there is none.  This is a pleasant state of affairs.  Yes, there are some zoning controversies, and the 70 year old gentleman who wandered away from his home Monday was found behind a nearby church Tuesday afternoon---no worse for the wear.  The local rush hour traffic update is uncertain, as such reports are not to be heard on local radio.  Regardless, the kinder gentler environs are not devoid of amusing human stupidity:  "(WYFF.com) GREENWOOD, S.C. -- Greenwood County deputies arrested 6 people after a 15-year-old overdosed on prescription drugs at a party.  The Sheriff’s Office said that four people at the party thought they were taking an anti-anxiety drug [Xanax], but were taking a medication that treats Parkinson's disease."  

..."(AP) BRATTLEBORO, Vt. - A town petition making President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney subject to arrest for crimes against the Constitution has triggered a barrage of criticism from people who [quite correctly] say residents are "wackjobs" and "nuts. The petition — with more than 436 signatures, or at least the 5 percent of voters necessary to be considered — was submitted Thursday and the town Select Board voted 3-2 Friday to put it on the ballot. It goes to a town-wide vote March 4."  For the record, Suttle World did not issue a press release that the AP used in the story.

..."(AP) PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - It was lunchtime in one of Hati's worst slums, and Charlene Dumas was eating mud. With food prices rising, Haiti's poorest can't afford even a daily plate of rice, and some take desperate measures to fill their bellies. Charlene, 16 with a 1-month-old son, has come to rely on a traditional Haitian remedy for hunger pangs: cookies made of dried yellow dirt from the country's central plateau."  Meanwhile, Suttle World dutifully stands by the mailbox at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor awaiting its $1500 stimulus check---the ones being printed to end the economic Armageddon that is or soon will be upon the US.  Would you like fries with that dirt?

January 29, 2008

...As advertised, publication comes once again this morning from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters. 

...THE most salient, and staggeringly important point raised by the President in last night's State of the Union address was the call to make the current administration's tax cuts permanent.  Really smart folks can disagree as to the country's current economic status, and as to whether a recession is here or on the horizon.  Suttle World declares that there are no smart, intellectually honest folks who disagree that the best way to assure a recession is to allow the tax cuts to expire.

..."(Miami Herald) -  Nearly one million Floridians have already cast early and absentee ballots in the state's primary, a sign that moving up the date of the presidential primary will likely yield a record turnout on Tuesday."  Suttle World's gastro-intestinal tract feel for today's Florida primary is that: Romney will win by a larger margin than expected.  Rudy will end his campaign before week's end.  Huckabee will continue until Super Tuesday (2/4) before folding his tent.  Bottom line:  Suttle World now clearly sees Mitt Romney as the Republican nominee, because it simply cannot see the GOP nominating McCain.

...Success!  Suttle World made no mention of the Super Bowl at any time last week, and will not again until this weekend grows much nearer, excepting to note that the line currently spots the Giants 12 points.  The over/under is 53, and some online sports books still have the game off the board.

...And the gentle surfer is of the opinion that hospital food sucks here in the good old USA.  "HELSINKI (Reuters) - A hospital patient in Finland found a mouse head among the steamed vegetables on his plate.  "Understandably, he lost his appetite," said Sakari Kela, chief administrator [and MENSA member] at the Northern Karelia Central Hospital.  The severed head most likely originated in a bag of Belgian vegetables. The body has not been found and being "a Belgian mouse, the rest of it could be anywhere in Europe," Kela said."  Such are the joys of universal health care.

January 28, 2008

...Real quick this morning from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters...

...Obviously there are some graphics issues, ergo SOTD is not displayed in its usual format, but its there for the viewing and humming along.  The issue should be resolved in short order.

...Snow cover abounds on the northern slopes at a 2300 foot elevation of the satellite HQ---presumably the remainder of this area's version of the French Toast alert from the weekend before last. Despite a forecast high temperature in the upper fifties again today, no sun will leave the white stuff in place for the foreseeable future.

...Suttle World is certain there will be few television viewers, but also wonders as to whether members of Congress will remember to show for the State of the Union address to be delivered tonight.  The speech will be made by a fellow the gentle surfer may vaguely recall---President George W. Bush.  No doubt the President will comment on the economic stimulus package that the best Suttle World can figure will result in a $1500 check to be made out to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  This will be followed by the mortgage bailout plan that Suttle World estimates will result in the federal government sending a check to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor in lieu of it making monthly payment.  Free money.  Free housing.  Excepting that it sounds disturbingly like a prison, Suttle World finds it to be amusing at the very least.

...Alas, poor Rudi.  We never knew thee.

..."(AP) TOKYO - Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page said Monday he was ready to take the iconic band on a world tour after burning up the stage at last month's reunion concert in London. But it probably won't be before September."  Unless Suttle World gets press credentials for an Atlanta gig, it will not be present.  NO ARENA SHOWS!  Watching ant sized old folks perform from a distance of 500 feet no longer holds any appeal for Suttle World.  Never again!

...No mas!  (The London Telegraph) "The music industry has spent more than a decade trying to stem the tide of illegal downloads, but it has finally given in to the file-sharing revolution, signing a deal which will deliver an unlimited supply of free songs to fans.  Qtrax, a digital service which offers a catalogue of 25 million songs to download for free, will today be endorsed by EMI, Sony BMG, Universal Music and Warner Music."  Suttle World would have thought that management of US auto manufacturers in the '70s would be long gone by now, but evidently they are still alive and now running the music business.  Would the gentle surfer care for an ice cold glass of New Coke?

January 27, 2008

..."(Barre-Montpelier Times Argus) - According to a news release sent to this paper two weeks ago a local fellow did good in Phoenix, Arizona. The text reads: "Paul Edward Waring III, of Montpelier, collected his first ever hole-in-one at the award winning Grayhawk Golf Course Sunday afternoon. (Jan. 8) Waring, 48, used his trusty 7-wood to complete the par three, 180 yard, fifth hole in a single stroke during a round played while attending a sales conference.""  The gentle surfer certainly recalls the triumph of cuzin Paul, as now does a greater portion of the Vermont population with the publication of the above piece on January 22.  Suttle World revels in the celebrity status afforded Pops Waring who indicates that he has yet to tire of the frequent autograph requests from wide eyed fellow Montpelierites.  Suttle World also shakes its head ruefully at the lack of attribution (and collaboration/verification), for it was Suttle World that was the author of the aforementioned news release---long forgotten until the Times Argus publication was brought to its attention yesterday  The entirety of the press release is here for the viewing.

...Suttle World's declaration yesterday morning that Obama wins South Carolina wasn't much of a stretch, but Suttle World did not foresee the Illinois senator lapping the world's smartest woman.  Suttle World will leave the in depth analysis to the many talking heads of the Sunday morning, excepting to note that Suttle World believes there are two cards in play on the Democratic side.  One is the Clinton machine/comeback kid/girls should be allowed to play too card, the other is a pseudo brave new world/Washington "outsider"/unity card.  One is the trump card, and Suttle World is unsure as to which.

...A little Suttle World inside baseball...Suttle World embarks shortly on a voyage to its western North Carolina satellite headquarters for a yet to be determined number of days.  The gentle surfer need not let its heart be troubled, as Suttle World will continue with daily remote publication.  Updates may come a bit later than usual, but will appear on the same Bat station in the days to come.

...Heads up! "(AP) WASHINGTON - A large U.S. spy satellite has lost power and could hit the Earth in late February or early March, government officials said Saturday.  The satellite, which no longer can be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret. It was not clear how long ago the satellite lost power, or under what circumstances."  Suttle World finds this most alarming---regretting it has probably not used Earth as a proper noun in previous posts, unlike the AP lead.

...The gentle surfer is introduced to the next Richard Branson courtesy of our friends at Reuters.  "MELBOURNE - An Australian teenager who hosted a wild party that caused a near-riot after 500 guests saw his Internet invitation has decided to turn professional and will host a national party tour, he said on Thursday.  Corey Delaney, 16, became notorious at home and abroad after throwing a party while his parents were on holidays. He posted a MySpace notice and revelers caused A$20,000 ($17,500) in damages before the party was broken up by police and the dog squad.  Delaney said he had taken on an Australian celebrity agent, Max Markson, and had given up plans to be a carpenter to host and DJ parties in Sydney and Brisbane over the next two months, with another in Melbourne on his 17th birthday on March 21."  Suttle World speculates that the young Mr. Markson will rival Greg Norman and Rupert Murdoch as the wealthiest Aussie by his 30th birthday.

January 26, 2008

..."SPARTANBURG, South Carolina (Reuters) - The resurgence of the old Bill Clinton, flushing with anger and wagging his finger as he fights for his wife's presidential bid, has cast a shadow over her campaign and could mar his new image as a global statesman."  Though it is flattering for a major wire service to thieve one's material, Suttle World would appreciate a little attribution.  Democrats in the Palmetto Bug State head to the polls today.  Obama wins, and pundits will scratch their scalps raw in the intervening 10 days before Super Tuesday.  The train wreck that is the nomination process has proved more entertaining than any in the past 40 years.

..."(AJC) - You could get home a little earlier from weekday Braves games and a little later from Sunday home games this year.  The team will now start Monday-Thursday home night games at 7:10 p.m. The move is from the 7:35 p.m. start time from last season, and Friday night games will continue to start at that time. The Braves home opener, Monday, March 31, against the Pirates will begin at the new time. Most Saturday home games will also start at 7:10 p.m."  The getting home earlier part certainly has its appeal, but given gridlock traffic, a dearth of parking and MARTA's miserable failure to provide efficient mass transit to Turner Field, Suttle World speculates that weekday games will be the sole purview of in town dwellers or workers.  Its logistically impossible to get there from anywhere by 7:10 on a Tuesday evening.

..."(AJC) - A Stone Mountain doctor initially charged with injecting his patients with commercial-grade weed killer was sentenced Thursday to five years' probation for health care fraud."  Meanwhile, the Department of Justice latest figures indicate that in 2001, drug law violators comprised 20.4% of all adults serving time in state prisons - 246,100 out of 1,208,700 State prison inmates.  Brilliant!

...And as long as the gentle surfer is strolling the prison grounds, consider this little factoid:  "The United States has the highest prison population rate in the world, some 701 per 100,000 of the national population, followed by Russia (606), Belarus (554), Kazakhstan and the Virgin Islands (both 522), the Cayman Islands (501), Turkmenistan (489), Belize (459), Bermuda (447), Suriname (437), Dominica (420) and Ukraine (415). "However, more than three fifths of countries (60.5%) have rates below 150 per 100,000. United Kingdom’s rate of 141 per 100,000 of the national population places it above midpoint in the World List; it is the highest among countries of the European Union.)"  That according to The World Prison Population List (5th Edition), 2003.  Such a distinction comes at a very high price, but Suttle World takes comfort in knowing it can safely stroll the streets of any major city or national forest without any concern of being the victim of crime.  In fact, Suttle World has removed all the locks from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, and now leaves all car keys in the ignition.  Such is the glory of the crime free utopia in which Americans now live since the U.S. nonviolent prisoner population has grown larger than the combined populations of Wyoming and Alaska.  If the preceding does not give the gentle surfer who has a polar opposite world view of Suttle World a reason to pause and reconsider the current model, Sylvan Learning Centers are ready when you are.

...Needless to say, Suttle World is pleased that there were no injuries in the fire that broke out at the Monte Carlo hotel-casino in Las Vegas yesterday afternoon.  What Suttle World finds most disturbing is that news organs in the course of reporting the story have made regular reference to the MGM Grand fire in Sin City that took 87 lives----TWENTY EIGHT YEARS AGO!  Suttle World demands a calendar recount.

...The gentle surfer is urged to brace itself before proceeding.  Entering the third round of this weekend's Buick Invitational, five time winner of the event, Tiger Woods, holds a four stroke lead.  The oxymoronic notion that is conventional wisdom states that Tiger will be deemed the greatest player in the history of golf if or when he passes Jack's magical number of 19 wins in the majors.  Suttle World disagrees, and is more than happy to hand Woods the crown post haste.  With a winning percentage approaching 30% of all PGA events entered in his career, Tiger is beyond sick!  Hogan won 20% of his events, and only three others (Nelson, Snead and Nicklaus) are in double digits.  The pesky fact that Suttle World has won 33% of all majors in which it has entered will be ignored for the purposes of this paragraph.

...A lot of overtime is in store for city of Atlanta police this weekend in an attempt to control the often unruly crowds associated with the NHL All-Star Game---in town for the event tomorrow at Philips.  Suttle World sets the over/under on shutting down Lenox Square and Greenbriar Malls at 6:30 this evening.

...Memo to the Georgia Dome:  please immediately begin replacing light bulbs, and consider adding a third digit to all scoreboards in the facility that display the "HOME" score.  With the Falcons announcement yesterday of the hiring of Dolphins tight end coach Mike Mularkey as offensive coordinator, Suttle World foresees a scoring juggernaut on the horizon.

January 25, 2008

..."(CBS)  Saddam Hussein initially didn't think the U.S. would invade Iraq to destroy weapons of mass destruction, so he kept the fact that he had none a secret to prevent an Iranian invasion he believed could happen. The Iraqi dictator revealed this thinking to George Piro, the FBI agent assigned to interrogate him after his capture.  Piro, in his first television interview, relays this and other revelations to 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley this Sunday, Jan. 27, at 7 p.m. ET/PT. "  Suttle World is dubious because of the source, but, if true, Suttle World views it as a "vindication" of the administration with regard to WMDs.  Needless to say, such a view is contrary to the tabloid show's agenda.

..."(Reuters) PARIS: Société Générale, one of the largest banks in Europe, was thrown into turmoil Thursday after it revealed that a rogue employee had executed a series of "elaborate, fictitious transactions" that cost the company more than $7 BILLION, the biggest loss ever recorded in the financial industry by a single trader.  The story goes on to explain the employee didn't put any cash in his own pocket, leading Suttle World to speculate that the errors were made in a rush for the French trader to get off work in time to meet government mandates limiting the Franco work week.  C'est la vie.

..."CHARLESTON, South Carolina (Reuters) - Barack Obama has a 13-point lead on rival Hillary Clinton but his support has eroded slightly on the eve of South Carolina's Democratic presidential primary, according to a Reuters/C-SPAN/Zogby poll released on Friday.  Obama's edge on Clinton slipped by two points overnight but remained in double digits, 38 percent to 25 percent, in the rolling poll, with John Edwards gaining two points to climb to 21 percent and inch closer to second place."  As delicious as the polling figures would appear, Suttle World fears that Satan will finish third---allowing her to play to "comeback kid" card for 10 days leading into Super Tuesday on February 4.

...Meanwhile in the GOP aisle, as the stock of Senator McCain rises, so does Suttle World's fervent desire to find some provision of the McCain/Feingold Act to violate.  Suttle World truly doesn't get it.  McCain heroically served his country and endured unspeakable horrors as a prisoner of the North Vietnamese only to lead a full frontal assault on the First Amendment.  One more time:  the free speech clause of the First Amendment is there to protect political speech, not naked poll dancing.  Such activity is not free speech.  It is simply an endeavor in which government has no interest, because poll dancing doesn't violate another persons' right to life, liberty or property.  What the courts have gotten right is the concept that donating money to a political cause or candidate is political speech.  Limiting contributions limits free speech, and limiting free speech is not good.  The Supremes certainly haven't helped, with their august opinion in 1973 that the gentle surfer's political free speech stops at $2000.  The logical extension being that a $1900 limit would stifle the free market place of ideas, while a $2100 (its now finally been upped to $2200 or so---well short of inflation indexing) is simply too much free speech for a citizen to utter.  Brilliant!

... Let the cash air drop begin. "WASHINGTON (AP) - Congressional leaders announced a deal with the White House Thursday on an economic stimulus package that would give most tax filers refunds of $600 to $1,200, and more if they have children."  The lady of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor had the best take.  "They're going to send us $1200 because a handful of folks can't or won't pay their mortgage."  This is the federal government at its finest hour, and all the gentle surfer really needs to know about modern American politics.

...Being touted as on of the top five stories on today's Yahoo News page leads Suttle World to believe it to be a slow news day.  "(AP) MILWAUKEE - Aaaaaaay! The ultra-cool Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli is coming to Milwaukee — permanently. A bronze statue of the leather-jacketed biker from "Happy Days" will be erected in Milwaukee, where the TV sitcom was set, now that local groups have raised the $85,000 needed to do it."  Real slow, and Suttle World finds the mental imagery of Fonzie being erected to be most disturbing.

...The last weekend of January is here to be followed by February---the year's longest month that has extended to 137 days this time around the sun due to the leap year deal. Per unusual: the ATL weekend TV sports listings are here for the clicking.  Of course, the ATL is in a frenzy, in eager anticipation of the NHL all star game to be played at Philips Arena Sunday.

January 24, 2008

...Memo to the markets:  Suttle World sends its most sincere regrets over your bout with irritable bowel syndrome this week.  Tuesday dawned with a diagnosis of hypovolemic shock, but transfused with a heap big rate cut and serious bipartisan banter of a HUGE "stimulus" package, the blood loss was limited to that of an average paper cut.  Then a 600 point swing in yesterday's trading left the DOW finishing up nearly 300 at a still somewhat anemic level of 12,270.  Suttle World does not wish to disturb the markets in its currently compromised condition, so just write when things settle down a little.  Perhaps due to sheer exhaustion, at this writing DOW futures relatively flat.

...On the collegiate hardcourt last night, #25 Baylor defeated Big 12 rival, #18 Texas A&M 116-110 in QUINTUPLE OVERTIME! "The game lasted so long that even one of the referees got confused. In the break before the start of the fourth overtime, a referee approached a member of the media and asked if triple overtime was about to begin. When told it was four, he shook his head and walked off."  Off to where the AP story doesn't say, nor does it make any reference as to where the game stands in terms of the longest games in NCAA history.

...Memo to the NY Yankees:  now that all the numbers have been calculated, how did that $218 million payroll work out for you last season?

..."DAVOS, Switzerland (Reuters) - U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said on Wednesday she believed the nuclear stand-off with Iran could be resolved diplomatically but that Tehran must not be allowed to become a nuclear weapons power."  Is Suttle World more confused than unusual or did not every politico of every stripe go absolutely ape shit when Senator Obama said that he would entertain the idea of talks with Iran?

...Suttle World believes it to be a genetic affliction.  Rudi has done what comes natural to those from the Empire State.  He went to Florida/God's waiting room, and set up shop; and it is there he will be declared officially dead following the Republican primary in the Sunshine State this coming Tuesday.  Memo to the Giuliani and Thompson campaigns:  next election, please consider contacting Suttle and Associates, Inc.  The political consulting group can assist your campaign lose by not leaving the starting gate for a hell of a lot less money than was spent this time around.

...Now the forefinger of the left hand is coveted by Suttle World, that may well scurry the garage in the west wing of stately Suttle/Manor for the appropriate garden tool to do the job itself.  "(AP) Clinton said the news media is much tougher on his wife than on Obama. At the end of the exchange, he told the CNN reporter, 'Shame on you.'"  Quite a declaration from the guy who presided over the most corrupt, dishonest and disingenuous administration of the 20th century.  Suttle World's diagnosis is one of the early onset of Jimmy Carter disease.  Suttle World has long predicted a Hillary meltdown, but would take even greater delight in the husband of the world's smartest woman dragging her presidential  aspirations into the abyss. 

...(AJC) "Georgia Tech...still need[s] a game to complete their 2008 schedule..."  With some playing time under its belt on Grant Field, Suttle World seeks another 10 folks to sign up so that we can volunteer to take on the Jackets this autumn.  Two-a-days start July 15.  Contact Suttle World for further details.

January 23, 2008

...Yes, Suttle World is feeling a bit smug this morning.  The DOW finishes down 128 points---well within the range predicted by Suttle World yesterday.  Of even further note is a reaffirmation of the Suttle World Dog Food Theory of Life.  Yesterday morning it was difficult to find a news organ that was not dutifully reporting on the end of the world economy.  Fast forward (past a 75 basis point cut and a couple news conferences as to how the federal government is going to begin air dropping cash from planes) to today's headlines that must be searched long and hard for a story regarding the markets.  In its stead are screaming leads about a 28 year old guy being found dead in his NYC apartment.  Suttle World reckons Armageddon has been forestalled for yet another day---patiently awaiting December 21, 2012.  Much more on the aforementioned date later.  The mother of all conspiracy theories with cosmic consequences.  Did the gentle surfer know that the Mayan calendar is so precise that it accurately predicted solar eclipses over 1000 years following its creation?  The Mayan calendar comes to a dead stop on December 21, 2012.  Many see this as prophetic.  Suttle World suspects that Mrs. Mayan intervened with Mr. Calendar Mayan when he reached that date.  "Would you quit piddling with that damn calendar, and cut the grass?!!!"

...If the Secret Service wouldn't come knocking at the door of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, Suttle World would issue a heft bounty on the right forefinger of former President Clinton.  This would be the same finger wagged in the gentle surfer's face as the president adamantly lied about his relationship with Ms. Lewinski.  While Suttle World fervently wishes the finger to be removed, it hastens to add that amputation should be performed in a safe and humane manner.  Sure, there will be some pain involved, but  President Clinton could "put a little ice on it."

...Suttle World is now the proud owner of its very own copy of Matt Bruner's recently released tome Texas Takes: Unfocused Ramblings About Becoming a Texan.  Looks great, reads better, with the perfect inscription and appropriate attribution for Suttle World.  Is this how Rupert Murdoch got started?  Can Suttlevision be far behind?  Sure, it would start slow, and include a lot of Now Generation, My Mother the Car, and The Road to West Palm re-runs, but that's how crazy Ted got WTCG cum WTBS cum TBS cum the Superstation off the ground.  It is daunting---getting a multi- media giant up and running successfully before everyone dies on December 21, 2012.

...In honor of the arrival of cuzin Matt's book, and because its past time for publication, Suttle World closes with the second of a two part essay started by Suttle World's resident man of letters.  Suttle World proudly presents yet another edition of:

January 22, 2008

EXTRA - Suttle World published fifteen minutes prior to the Fed's announcement of a .75 point rate cut.  Just for giggles, Suttle World publishes this short extra to predict:  1) whoever that has had today circled on their calendar for eight months, and anxiously awaited their chance to realize a lifelong dream of ringing the opening bell on Wall Street is not happy.  Friends and relatives flown in from Chicago and California to watch grandpa mash the button for the biggest opening loss in market history.  2)  Its an opening plummet.  Suttle World says the DOW is down less than 200 points when the poor slob picked to ring the closing bell today executes his duties.

..."TOKYO (AP) -- Global stock markets extended their shakeout into a second day Tuesday, plunging amid worries that a possible U.S. recession will cause a worldwide economic slowdown. The dramatic declines were expected to spread to Wall Street, where stock index futures were already down sharply hours before the trading day began."  At this 8:00 writing, DOW futures are down over 500 POINTS!  Suttle World finds this overreaction/panic befuddling.  That being said, Suttle World also has difficulty disagreeing with a sentiment expressed by cuzin Bill over the weekend, and shared by others:  downturns are a natural part of the business cycle, and after a damn good run for the economy the past 25 years....  To quote Ernie Johnson:  "this big guy's way overdue."  Suttle World is also of the opinion that the worldwide equities volatility of this week can be laid at the feet of the President and Congress.  If a bipartisan immediate "stimulus" package can be agreed upon is such short a period of time in the current political environment of Washington, the market psychology becomes:  "maybe things really are that bad."  Stipulating just for the purposes of this take that there is a recession here or on the horizon, Suttle World finds it amusing that boys and girls on both sides of the aisle are suddenly unified in the notion that allowing taxpayers to spend more of their own money, as opposed to government, stimulates the economy.  Hold that thought---forever.

..."(AFP) - The drug-resistant "superbugs" that have cut a swathe through day care centers, schools, locker rooms and prisons across the United States in the last five years stem from one rapidly evolving bacterium, US scientists said Monday."  The short piece is worth the read.  Though not mentioned, Suttle World finds this to be the first somewhat encouraging news with regard to MRSA in memory.  Though effective treatment may not be right around the corner, at least there is a single prokaryotic critter to battle, as opposed to a wide variety of staphylococcus species which could require individual attention.  Suttle World also notes that many of the presidential wannabes have called for government run health care---an effort clearly outside the proper scope of government; but none has said a word about MRSA---arguably the greatest public health threat facing the nation, and an issue that is well within the proper scope of government.  Sure, cancer, diabetes, et al afflict many more, but those conditions are not communicable, and, therefore, fall outside the "public health and safety" area of interest in which government should properly operate.  Just a refresher to get the little gray cells moving as a holiday shortened week begins.

..."LONDON (Reuters) - More than half of teachers in a survey said they thought plagiarism from the Internet is a problem."  From that lead, Suttle World deduces that teachers in the United Kingdom share the same degree of astuteness as their peers here across the pond.  Suttle World also finds the revelation to be shocking!  "Some students who steal essays wholesale from the Web, they said, are so lazy they don't even bother to take the adverts off the cut-and-pasted text."  Suttle World views this as a positive state of affairs by alleviating the teacher of some of the tedious task that is paper reading and grading.  Those with pop-up adds go into one pile.  The others get read, and graded.

...The Hawks must beat west coast teams at home, even a much better than expected, sans Greg Oden, Portland club.  Blazers win yesterday's matinee at Phillips in OT.  In other local sports action, the Gwinnett Gladiators also played a matinee Monday, with an odd 12:30 face off.  Glads win 3-2, and 38 games into the season find themselves secure in a playoff position, but 15 points off the ECHL Southern Division top spot held by the [Huge Beaumont] Texas Wildcatters.

January 21, 2008

...As is the custom, Suttle World extends its most genuine King holiday greetings to the gentle surfer---pretty much leaving it to that.  First, explaining the nuances of the today's observances as a long time Atlantan is one the gentle surfer either "gets" through current of former residency, or one that Suttle World's command of the language does not allow for explanation.  Second, Suttle World has looked at its own demographic data and is fully aware that it is disproportionately composed of an old, white, testosterone based element.  Suttle World is of the opinion that members of that particular group are well served to shut up and listen today.  At least shut up for a while.  Listening will be difficult, as the vast majority of those who will command the attention of august media organs today with remarks on the holiday and man for whom it is intended to honor are abject morons.  Suttle World has set the over/under for the first presidential candidate to "have a dream of change" at 10:05 am.  Suttle World would respectfully suggest that the gentle surfer consider listening to sources found outside those emitted from a plug-in box.  The notion of a civic Yom Kippur appeals to Suttle World.

...Were today not a holiday, an emergency day of celebration/recovery would have to be enacted in order for all to savor a great Suttle World weekend.  Saturday was the prototypical pleasant southern snowy day---aesthetic ecstasy.  It was also good for the soul, as Suttle World savored the satisfaction of winning the French Toast bet as each additional flake fell.  Sunday morning brought forth the French Toast that, unfortunately, the ever inept Suttle World staff failed to capture in its full glory of presentation (fresh berries and everything) due to poor imaging gear and a shortage of power for same.  The Queen of the French Toast World dazzled those who were present.  Alton Brown called stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to extend his congratulations; and this was merely a prelude to:

...The first of 2008's five High Holy Day of Sport that lived up to the hype.  Suttle World won't gloat over the wagering call.  First, it was stated in the abstract---no Suttle World dollars were at risk at any time during yesterday's games.  The teaser paid easily, only to be tempered by a mention of a parlay that failed.  Using the Benji budget school of wagering, the bets would have been $50/ea, enriching the gentle surfer by $90 long before Lawrence Tyne's overtime kick split the uprights.  Props to the Chargers, who started the year 1-3 only to make one of the greatest late/post season runs in football history.  Still, as expected, the Pats are 18-0, and await the not so surprising New York Giants.  Rewind to September, and not many folks are picking the Giants to be in the Super Bowl, but a lot readily admitted the NFC was pretty much wide open in the absence of any really good teams.  The Giants got hot at the right time in the right conference, and return to the Super Bowl after a game that was sheer bliss to watch.  Eli done good.  The "Bite Me" Times Square billboard has been renewed for another two weeks  Archie's stud fee doubled overnight.  Plaxico Burress was a monster.  All that notwithstanding, Suttle World is left most struck by the guys upstairs wearing the headphones.  The play calling was stellar.  The arrows may not have all been straight, nor the quiver fully stocked, but used with utmost efficiency.  New England opens as a 12.5 point favorite for what will no doubt be a typically dull, blowout of a Super Bowl, but the journey to the event only out hyped by the Olympics, lived up to its perennial E ticket ride status.  Jim Nance paid off the Imus line at the 5:35 mark of the third quarter.

...By this point the gentle surfer may well be of the opinion that the frenzied weekend festivities have left little time to devote to the TV Cartoon Character Hall of Fame, and the gentle surfer would be correct in such an assumption, although more progress has been made than might be expected.  The research, and much of the other start up work has been completed.  The announcement could be made today, but Suttle World is going to refrain.  The new Hall of Fame page will definitely be published before month's end, but there's cuzin Matt's book release and other things happening in Suttle World from which Suttle World does not wish to distract by launching another large project.  The original class of five inductees has been selected.  It will be announced, and shortly thereafter a pool of qualified voters will be assembled to consider the first year of inductees.  At this writing, it is tentatively planned that the ballots will have been counted, and announcement made about the second group to be honored by May 1.  The gentle surfer who does not wish to wait for an invitation to vote, may apply for that status in the Cartoon Watchers Association of America by successfully naming four of the first five inductee prior to their publication.  The delayed announcement is also a function of the executive committee confirming one of the choices---deemed by all deserving, but on the cusp as an original member. 

January 20, 2008

...One extra edition per gentle, per day is the limit for Suttle World.  Unrelated was late communication from Edward Tanner that Curis-O-Matic had cancelled last night.  Though unfortunate and unnecessary, Suttle World can appreciate the most prudent and lawyerly call.  Wet streets, where up to two inches of snow fell through the daylight hours of Saturday, never accumulated and were met with temps in the teens.  Fortunately, brisk winds proceeded the mercury plummet, leaving the entirety of the ATL no worse for the wear, travel wise, overnight nor at dawn this Sunday morning.  Cuzin Bill was courageous enough to show, and the adult denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor proceeded the perilous mile and a half to the Moon Shadow.  The trio performed horribly in the regular trivia event held by the watering hole, and later retreated to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Eschewing the roadways at midnight, cuzin Bill remains a welcome guest as of this writing, anxiously await the output of the French Toast Queen who has commenced with preparation, as evidence by the promised photographic evidence shown.

...No snow in South Carolina, and McCain wins---with the pollsters getting it right for a "change."  Without a detailed analysis of yesterday's balloting, it is obvious that Super Tuesday is going to actually live up to its billing for the first time in history, and that even after the chads have fallen on that date, there is still a distinct possibility that one or both parties will not have a clear cut nominee.  There have been exactly two dozen nominating conventions held in the history of Suttle World, and none has produced a candidate that had not already been decided before the first gavel fell.  Much like the High Holy Day of Sports I being observed this chilly January day, Suttle World only asks for an amusing happening to play out.  May the Appalachian State factor continue to fist fights on the convention floor.  Just one more cow.

...Should be the lead, but its tough to find good help.  HIGH HOLY DAY OF SPORT I.  Though Suttle World would greatly prefer a 1:00 kickoff, it will defer to its misguided brothers and sisters of the wrong coast, and patiently wait for until 3:00 for the Pats to begin their little workout today to run their record to 18-0, and wait a couple of weeks.  The night cap has all the makings of an all time classic NFL moment.  From a wagering perspective, Suttle World takes a long hard look at the board, and decides today is not a target rich environment.  New England is a 14 point favorite (over/under 47);  Green Bay spots between 7 and 7.5 (shop hard), with the over/under varying between 40.5 and 41.5.  All can be had for -$110.  Compel Suttle World to make a bet, and it would drag out the trusty six point, three play teaser (net):  SD +20; NYG +13.5 NYG/GB under 47.5.  Pays 9:5.  A straight-up 5:2 paying parlay of NYG +7.5 and NYG/GB under 41.5 might not be a bad hedge, but not with Suttle World's own assets.

...Again, poorly organized, but of great import.  As mentioned above, Yolanda, Larry and Curly bid a retreat last night to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor around 10:00, and commenced about the most pressing project of creating the TV Cartoon Character Hall of Fame.  It was decided that the original class would be selected by the aforementioned executive committee, and that credentialed voters would decide in a baseball HOF fashion in future years (the list of potential inductees is impressive).  The executive committee also decided that while the five original inductees may not be the five all time greatest or favorites, that they are well deserving, and show a representation of the major players in the good old days of animation.  It will be over French Toast after this writing the the executive committee will confirm last night's choices that will be announced in tomorrow's update.  Some will be invited to accept voting privileges, others may apply by email here.  We'll be in touch.  There will most likely be a test.

...Finally, the gentle surfer is urged not to allow French Toast other High Holy Day activities to distract from the Dick Weber Open that will air at 1:00 on ESPN.  Props to Maryland---big win and thrill to knock down Carolina in Chapel Hill.   Bring on March.

January 19, 2008

French Toast Alert EXTRA - Click to enlarge first photos on home page confirming fruition of French Toast status STOP Edward Tanner confirms Cruis-O-Matic is still a go for tonight STOP Cuzin Moke wins pool STOP Called January snow event 30 days prior STOP Further updates as elements allow STOP.

...Wow, what a Saturday!  So much that Suttle World must go into Jack Webb mode, and go with "just the facts mamm---just the facts."  First a pseudo full fledged French Toast Alert is in effect for the ATL---pseudo because the snow event is to take place on the Saturday of a holiday weekend.  The record will show, what "photographic" evidence will prove out in tomorrow's posting that Suttle World won the bet made with the lady of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor regarding the winter whether event.  She loses.  She make French Toast.  Pics to come.

...Real quick.  South Carolina has a similar forecast.  If its snowing like a (insert Ratherism here), Huckabee wins the Palmetto Bug State.  Casual McCain backers are more deterred by a major winter weather event in the south than is the evangelical base (whatever the hell that is) and Fair Tax backers.

...The ever inept Suttle World staff read the email wrong.  Tonight is not THE 30th anniversary gig for Cruis-O-Matic, instead it is billed as the first gig of their 30th anniversary year tonight at the Moon Shadow Tavern (map) in beautiful downtown Tucker.  Yes, the band that opened for the first ever Sex Pistols North American gig (and maintains a lower morbidity and mortality rate) carry on with their courageous cover.  Show to start around 9:00.

...Suttle World certainly hopes the game is as good as the anticipation of an NFC championship (NFL championship---old skool) game between Green Bay and the New York Football Giants at Lambeau Field in below zero conditions tomorrow evening.

...This morning's update is abbreviated by the necessity of Suttle World to get into the French Toast frenzy.  Ever ahead of the curve, Suttle World will eschew the quickly emptying dairy cases of local retailers in lieu of a cow.  Look out Elsie, Suttle World's coming.

January 18, 2008

...Suttle World will allow for some power of suggestion to be mixed in here by virtue of the media attention garnered in the last 48 hours, but President Clinton looks awful, and his demeanor is one that makes old lyin'  Bill appear much closer to the Suttle World promised meltdown by his wife, Satan.  Suttle World hates to see a devoted married couple struggling through an ordeal, so its comforting that this is Bill and Hillary---couldn't happen to a nicer couple of folks.

...This just in:  "(AP) REYKJAVIK, Iceland - Bobby Fischer, the reclusive American chess master who became a Cold War icon when he dethroned the Soviet Union's Boris Spassky as world champion in 1972, has died. He was 64...There was no immediate word on the cause of death."  Fischer's end game was as strange as the US government's two decade old effort to prosecute Fischer, and his resultant "exile."  Fischer was a queer duck, but Suttle World's experience is that such status is seemingly inherent in the few of true genius intellect.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Clinton or Fischer?            

..."LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The late rock n roll pioneer Ike Turner died of a cocaine overdose, the San Diego County medical examiner said on Wednesday."  Ike was 76 when he went toes up back in December.  Suttle World reminds the gentle surfer that four out of five dentists agree that cocaine is contraindicated for persons in their seventies.  John Entwhistle would like to remind the gentle surfer that it doesn't work out well for the 60 set, and Len Bias sends word that toot really isn't that great an idea for the 20 something crowd either.

..."(AP) NEW YORK - The number of abortions in the United States fell to 1.2 million in 2005, down 25 percent from the all-time high of 1.6 million in 1990 and dropping the abortion rate to its lowest level since 1974, according to report issued Thursday."  Suttle World hastens to point out to zealots on either side of this aisle that the current stats were not legislated, nor created by an "activist" bench.

...A kinder, gentler Russia.  "MOSCOW (Reuters) - Russia's military Thursday offered compensation to a homeowner after a small rocket veered off course and hit his country house outside Moscow."  Sources close to Suttle World indicate the parties are prepared to settle, with the military compensating the victims with two fifths of vodka, six turnips and four rolls of toilet paper---or approximately half of the not so Red Army's current budget.

...The gentle surfer is advised to re-check their calendars immediately so that room has been blocked out for Cruis-O-Matic and their 30th anniversary show Saturday night at the Moon Shadow Tavern in beautiful downtown Tucker.  Sources close to Suttle World report that the legendary cover act will start around 9-9:30---following trivia that starts at 8:00????  Will Rex Patton show?  Will the Jackson Five be the warm up act since they never showed across the street at Club 72 (between the Dollar General and the Laundromat) on New Year's Eve?  Details as they develop.

...This, of course, makes for a hectic weekend in Suttle World.  Cruis-O-Matic on Saturday, followed by the first High Holy Day on the sports calendar Sunday with the AFC and NFC championship games that begin much too late at 3:00 and 6:30, respectively.  The remainder of the ATL TV sports viewing schedule is here for the clicking, and includes the eagerly awaited East/West Shrine Game (Saturday, 7:00, ESPN2).

January 17, 2008

For the first time in quite a while, it is necessary to step from behind the curtain.  Two DeKalb County Police officers were gunned down like proverbial dogs early Wednesday morning.  Officer Ricky Bryant, Jr. was 26, and Officer Eric Barker was 33.  One arrest has been made, and the search continues for a second suspect.  I'm genuinely mortified by these events, and concerned that simply carrying on as usual does not afford a sufficient degree of respect for these young men who both left behind families.  I find the mental imagery of the "knocks on the doors" to be more haunting than those stirred by the violent killings themselves.  I've decided to carry on in normal mode, and will leave yall to follow the story as you wish.  The tragedy is not forgotten.  Mom was right.  The policeman is your friend, and we lost two friends yesterday in the midst of a sub-culture that is stupefying in its tolerance and seeming nurturing of violence.  I raise my hand in recognition of my own jaundiced attitude of yellow cowardliness that I dismiss with the rationalization of overexposure to dwelling for many years smack dab in the middle of and, more recently, around the big bad city.  I also volunteer to line up behind anyone with solutions that goes beyond mere slogans in an effort to bring all of America into the 21st century---a status that may not be a right, but one that is deserved.   

DeKalb Police officer Ricky Bryant Jr., 26                                                                                                                                                                                     DeKalb Police officer Eric Barker , 33

...International Standard Book Number 978-0-6151-8644-3 is now officially indexed to one Mr. Matt Bruner of Coldspring, TX and titled Texas Takes: Unfocused Ramblings About Becoming A Texan.  The pithy "cut" line terms to tome as "a collection of anecdotes, observations, musings and general rambling about moving to and learning about Texas."  Its published by our friends at Lulu Press, and, among other things, is a compendium of cuzin Matt's stellar efforts that first appeared here in Suttle World.  Suttle World is ecstatic about the release, and eagerly awaits its promised copy of  the book to arrive later this week.  Suttle World advises the gentle surfer simply to buy the damn book!  In a clever marketing ploy, Suttle World has removed the essays that are printed in the author's work, so the gentle surfer who was going to "get around to reading..." has little choice if it wishes the enjoy these savory tidbits.  From guitar picker to slumlord to wordsmith, cuzin Matt is a true renaissance man (and without all that kinda creepy Bowie stuff to boot).  Although things do not necessarily happen in "threes," federal law requires Suttle World to pretend that they do.  It is noteworthy that this book release party  comes on the heels of nephew Ridge's (THAT'S RIDGE ROBERTS or ANTHONY RIDGE ROBERTS for all you search engines out there) perfect 300 bowling foray.  Would it be too daring to ask if next up (and why not today---Thursday never gets any respect) is the long overdue announcement by White Castle of their Class of 2007 Slyders Hall of Fame that includes The Dictators---proudly nominated in a most impressive fashion by Suttle World and cuzin Joel of SoCal some 10 months ago? 

...No official French Toast Alert was ever sounded for metro ATL yesterday, as the area missed a potentially catastrophic ice event by a couple of degrees (geographically and meteorologically).  In fact Suttle World is proud of the biggest bush league city in America for behaving yesterday as the precipitation began as snow showers (leaving a measurable amount on decks, railings, mail boxes and the like)  turned to a brief period of sleet, and then very cold drizzle.  As it turned out, Suttle World was involuntarily motoring across the dreaded top end of 285 as the snow began to flutter about and few "drivers" slammed on their brakes in startled awe of the little flakes.  Tucker High School junior, nephew Ridge, is now in the second semester of his fifth academic year while a denizen of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  During that time, four school days have been cancelled due to hurricanes.  None due to winter weather.  This all, of course, the result of Martian cooling recorded by Nobel Laureate Al Gore who made the measurements in a space expedition he designed, engineered and flew himself while inventing the internet a number of years ago shortly after he and Tipper served as the inspiration for Love Story.

...Props to the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets who fell just short of upsetting undefeated #1 Carolina last night at Alexander Memorial Coliseum (the proper name regardless of whatever the hell its called now).  Just great hoops.  Playing not so great hoops are the George Washington Colonials who slipped to 5-7 (1-1) with a loss to lowly Fordham in the Bronx last night.  Gracie said goodnight some time ago with regard to this campaign that will require another miracle A10 Conference tourney win to play past early March.  That being said, things are far from all gloom on the hardcourt in Foggy Bottom.  With a 48-45 win last night against Rhode Island, the 13th ranked Colonial Babes pushed their record to 14-3 (2-0) on the season.  The gentle surfer may do the math and easily determine the Colonial Babes pre conference play for the season.  Worthy of mention is that their pre A10 schedule ended January 6 with a 98-22 win over Brown.  GW is led by six foot, four inch tall, "junior" forward/center Jessica Adair (pronounced `A-dare'---in true GW spirit) who is averaging 16 and 6.  Jessica plays alongside her twin sister Jazmine, who averages six a night off the bench.  Jessica was a finalist for the American Pan-Am team, a first team all A10 player and someone Suttle World speculates the gentle surfer would not argue with over the last piece of pizza.  A team photo here provides a better perspective of Jessica---wearing number 1, she's the young lady that makes the male coaching staff look like a group of jockeys.  Suttle World is going to unnecessarily go out on a limb here and speculate that Mrs. Adair brought the twins into the world with the aid of a caesarian.

January 16, 2008

...There is much to discuss in Suttle World this morning, but all is trumped by the the early morning, seemingly ambush style murder of two uniformed DeKalb County Police officers---responding to a suspicious person call at an apartment complex in the Glenwood Drive/285 area (15 miles east of downtown ATL).  WSB-TV reported that they were off-duty, working security at the apartment complex.  The shootings happened at about 12:30 a.m.  Very little else has been disclosed or reported at this writing, including the identity of the victims. Authorities have yet to make an arrest in the killings.  This is a tragedy of unspeakable proportions that most certainly gives one even further pause for consideration of those who in exchange for the whooping sum of less than $40,000 a year, strap on a uniform that screams "shoot me" to the disaffected and deranged---only one of many such "benefits" the job brings.  Suttle World carries on with genuine grief and humility.

...NEPHEW RIDGE BOWLS PERFECT GAME!!!!!!!  Yes, as in 300, perfecto, will never be beaten for the remainder of human history!  Ridge and     the elderly denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor moved to the east wing of the Manor Tuesday evening, and cranked up the old Wii.  Following completion of the second games in which non of the contestants had performed to their own liking, it was decided that the set would be completed, and a final game commenced.  Twelve strikes later, and suddenly the Manor has a resident Don Larsen.  Suttle World personally attests to having witnessed the event in its entirety as does the lady of the Manor.                                                                                  (click to enlarge)  >>>>

...Yesterday's alert of a potential French Toast alert has been reduced to DEFCON 2.  As of this writing, forecasts seem to be largely in line with metro ATL receiving a good dousing of very cold rain overnight with only a few sleet pellets in the mix.  Suttle World's own perusal of the various charts and graphs leaves it of the same opinion---one identical to the conventional wisdom some eight years ago when upon waking, it was discovered electrical service (including heat) to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor had been interrupted, and would remain so for more than 72 hours.  Such are the vagaries of the brutal winters visited upon the southeastern United States.

...Good old cardboard cutout Mitt Romney held up his end of the bargain last night---being the third different winner of third event of the GOP presidential pre-season.  Huckabee probably wins South Carolina on Saturday, leaving the race as wide open as any contest of this sort in the lifetime of Suttle World as they move to Florida, where word on the street is that a guy named Rudi has been hiding (imagine that---a guy from New York named RUDi).  Meanwhile, on the Democratic side, the world's smartest woman won easily---defeating the always formidable "uncommitted" by 15 points.  The notion of Suttle World and several other pundits that Appalachian State set this all in motion back in September is only being reinforced.  Boone, NC---the new Dixville Notch.

January 15, 2008

...Timing is everything, and once again Suttle World has none---publishing today's update before a definitive call can be made as to whether a full fledged French Toast Alert is to be sounded for the ATL.  Frozen precip for the area seems a near certainty late tonight and into the wee-wee hours of the morning, so though the quantity of ice and snow remains in doubt, Suttle World is prepared---having readied the official Johnny Beckman shirt (with the rolled up sleeves and pre-spritzed pits) just in case.  Given its been a few years since a full fledged winter weather event has struck the ATL, Suttle World feels this would be a good time to review protocol.  If/when the air raid sirens go off later today to signal the chance of flurries, the gentle surfer is to immediately cease whatever its doing (surgeons are advised to first close patients on the table at the time), and proceed directly to any retail outlet that sells milk and bread.  Upon arrival the gentle surfer's mission is simple but onerous:  purchase 14 gallons of milk and at least 20 loaves of bread.  Next, place purchases said in the car, and then place said automobile onto the roadways so as to contribute to absolute metro wide gridlock on dry streets.  Check back with Suttle World as the day progresses for updates on the impending doom.

...Segueing with the grace of drunk iguana, Suttle World notes that the "dry days" are upon us.  The gentle surfer that is still on the barter/dating track is well familiar, especially if it has followed the economically prudent break up before Christmas, make up after Valentine's school of social interaction.  The gentle surfer who is on the retail/ho track is now in the same boat with the arrival yesterday of the Georgia General Assembly.   Per usual:  prostitution prices have skyrocketed due to the incredible increase in demand.  Suttle World's advice:  have another piece of French Toast, and wait a while.  The solons will be gone by March, and price structures will return to normal levels.  The gentle surfer who is in either the barter or retail market is urged to use proper precautions.  "CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian man who waved out of a car window at two young women was expected to lose his arm Monday after it was almost severed by another passing vehicle."

...On a lighter note, Congress re-convenes this week.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - A special commission is urging the government to raise federal gasoline taxes by as much as 40 cents per gallon over five years as part of a sweeping overhaul designed to ease traffic congestion and repair the nation's decaying bridges and roads."  Idiotic?  Res ipsa loquitor, or klaatu barada nikto should the gentle surfer prefer.  One more time (with feeling):  taxes exist to raise revenue to fund the proper functions of government, not to modify behavior.

...The genealogy folks claim that Suttle World has some Germanic ancestry, and Suttle World is now of the same mind, believing it has found a distant cousin in Buesum.  "BERLIN (Reuters) - A Hamburg newspaper that reported last week on a computer company manager who said he fired three non-smokers because they had threatened disruptions after asking for a smoke-free environment said on Monday the story was a hoax.  Stephanie Lamprecht, a journalist at the Hamburger Morgenpost, said Thomas Joschko first told her he had fired the three from his 10-person staff because they were causing a disruption with their non-smoking but later admitted it was a hoax.  Lamprecht, whose story was published widely in the German and international media last week, said: "He said it was a joke and worth the trouble. He said he's a chain-smoker himself and said he was tired of smokers being hassled so much.""  Life offers few delights more enjoyable than a media hoax, and one concerning smoking is that much more delicious.

...Green Bay and New England remain respective 7 and 14 point favorites as the first of the 2008 High Holy Days of Sports approaches this Sunday.

..."(AJC) - The Atlanta Braves will move their Class AAA minor-league team [from Richmond] to Gwinnett County ["metro" ATL], according to people familiar with the deal.  The Class AAA Richmond Braves could play in Gwinnett as soon as 2009.  A stadium for the Richmond Braves could be built on land the Gwinnett County Board of Commissioners is expected to approve purchasing on Tuesday. Tuesday's commission agenda lists a $5 million "purchase and sale agreement" of about 12 acres of land owned by Brand Properties. Brand Morgan, Brand Properties owner, declined to comment on the sale or what the land will be used for, but did say he plans to attend a news conference at Gwinnett Center on Tuesday.  The land is located along Buford Drive, southeast of I-85 and near the Mall of Georgia."

January 14, 2008

...Road playoff game.  LT on the sideline.  Indy healthy for the first time in three months.  Yesterday's stunning upset by the "puncher's chanceless Chargers (Suttle World, Jan. 13)" is the worst loss suffered by the Colts since Joe Willie opened a tall boy can of Whoop Ass on the franchise in Super Bowl III.  It may also rank among the great upsets in NFL post season history.  The nightcap was shear bliss.  Few events are more enjoyable than a Dallas playoff loss at home.  Once again, major props to Eli and the Giants staff who put together a great game plan that was well executed with the aid of the Cowboy defense that appeared to have, unlike Tony and Yoko Romo, spent the bye week attending a special Atlanta Falcon tackling camp.  New York at Green Bay should be a compelling game; and if San Diego can go into Indy and win...they still have no chance against the Pats.  Sources close to Suttle World indicate that Eli will be renewing space on the Times Square "Bite Me" billboard rented after last week's win.

...Props to Bruce Jenner who tops Cracked.com's current list of the "Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians."  Jenner had tough competition in the form of second place finisher, Kim Jong-Il.  Creator of The Office and described as "someone who moved to  the Aleutian Islands with social worker partner and is studying to be a priest in the Anglican Church," Ricky Gervais;  the comic writer who looks like "an activist, promoting causes of transgender animated characters and company logos," Mike Myers, and ageless NFL place-kicker  Morten Anderson round out the top five.

...In a startling revelation Sunday during the President's current visit to the Middle East, the White House announced that President Bush was the person in possession of the mysterious, much sought after Maltese Falcon, and that both Sam Spade and the Fat Man could go "fuck themselves."  Attempts to contact Humphrey Bogart and Sydney Greenstreet regarding the matter have so far proved unsuccessful.

..."(Variety) - Longtime Hollywood publicist Julian Myers will turn 90 soon. And he worries the end may be near ... for Hollywood.  Myers frets that the WGA stalemate -- with all of its acrimony, vitriol and job losses -- is a harbinger of ill things for the industry.  "The strike impasse is speeding the end of Hollywood filmmaking and television production," says Myers, who has been working in the biz since 1939 and is still an IATSE member. "There are more union contracts coming up for renewal, and already unionists are crossing union lines. IATSE is urging its members to go right on through. Insults are being exchanged, faces will be bashed and fatalities are a possibility.""  Meanwhile, the inspiring determination of the human race to survive catastrophe explains the ability of life to continue in some form as it has been known today in the absence of a full blow Golden Globes awards show.  Courage.  Suttle World is of the opinion that as long as a guy who could "pass" and the wife of the "first black President in US history" duke it out about race in South Carolina, writers are unecessary.

January 13, 2008

...Despite one of the best weather days one could expect on a January afternoon in the ATL, only the Commissioner, Suttle World and fellow Suttle World Senator cuzin Blaine (as in Blaine and pray for rain) showed at old Ralph Kramden Yards yesterday for the informal Wiffle Atlanta knock it around event.  The small turnout did not prevent the three present from accomplishing same, and all (including Suttle World once again) were fairly impressed with tent like backstop in a bag that was successfully erected, and later disassembled, in short order.  Negotiations with the City of Decatur are set to resume Monday evening with regard to a new venue for the league this season, and several other logistical issues were discussed and/or dispensed with.  Pitchers and catchers will report not later than previously established in the collective bargaining agreement.  Suttle World sources indicate that the few scouts on hand for yesterday's workout agreed that Polio Gino was awful, but that his re-tooled, Jim Starnes school of hitting, approach to have produced a few better passes than normal.  Generally speaking, Suttle World believes squatty people are ill advised to squat.  It already doesn't smell that great down here without crouching.  Nonetheless, if it produces a few base hits...

...Logic and the betting public were both spot on in yesterday's NFL games.  The true charm of a playoff game being played in the snow at Lambeau was quickly diminished as the Packers summarily dispensed with Seattle after spotting the Seahawks 14 points to start the game.  Unlike the snow, the game was over at half time.  In the nightcap, the Patriots were the Patriots, who were kind enough to show on time to write a very nice note to Jacksonville---congratulating them on a good season and thanking them for coming all that way to Boston to end it.  New England and Brady are sick.  Today, if the gentle surfer scurries about the dial, it may be able to find another football team playing.  They hail from Indiana, and, coincidentally, are the defending NFL champions.  They also went 13-3 sans Marvin Harrison (and a bushel basket full of other folks) for 10 games.  They are all healthy and rested after a bye week.  Suttle World has not forgotten the Colts, unlike the vast majority of the western world.  The Giants have a much better shot at an upset than the puncher's chanceless Chargers, but Suttle World believes the betting public to be correct again regarding both of today's games.  Suttle World also questions the judgment of the NFL for scheduling a 1:00 game today to go up against the PBA's Earl Anthony Medford Classic that also cranks up at 1:00 on ESPN.

...Though the gentle surfer might well expect an Alabama dateline..."LONDON (Reuters) - A couple discovered after they had married that they were twins who had been split up at birth and adopted by separate families, according to a member of Britain's House of Lords."  Actualized, real life, bi-lateral narcissism.  Sources close to Suttle World indicate that Freud has filed a writ of mandamus with God---seeking temporary relief from death to check out these folks.

...Carolina is frighteningly good.  Suttle World says go ahead with the remainder of the regular season and conference tournaments so that all will have some entertainment through the dark days of February, but then eschew the NCAA tournament for a best of 7 series with Memphis.  From Suttle World's cursory observation so far this season, it would seem as though the rest of the country is of NIT caliber relative to #s 1&2.

...And now for the Suttle World Sunday Magazine insert in the form of  a take that's just a bit more insightful than a pink ribbon affixed to the bumper of an SUV.  As usual, the words are those of cuzin Matt, who reports in with his first of a two part installment of the most recent:

January 12, 2008

...The Atlanta Hawks, or Cubs, Jr. as Suttle World now believes to be the default reference, now 40+ year legacy has become so pathetic as to make them truly loveable.  Only the Hawks could lose two games on the same day---not the Clippers, Nuggets nor Bullets/Wizards/Buzzards.  Hell, not even the Washington Generals, but lose two the Hawks may well have accomplished Friday.  Frist, an overtime loss at Philips to the aforementioned Buzzards---a game that should have never gone to OT, and one (mediocre opponent at home) that a team simply has to win to be looking upward and onward.  Meanwhile, the league has ordered that the last 51 seconds of an earlier "win" against Miami must be replayed because Shaq was DQ'd one foul too soon.  The Heat didn't appeal until after the game, but there is the notion of "correctable error" in the rules of basketball.  While the league's call may be Kosher, its still weird.  How many games does the gentle surfer recall having the last minute replayed four months after the fact?  Never.  Which team "won" the game in question.  The Hawks---dutifully serving their role:  "and the Atlanta Hawks as the Beaver."

...A rare comment on SOTD.  Today's (along with the small body of work Burdon did after putting War "together") tune is the last and only real contribution Burdon made after the Animals went away.  Suttle World finds it impossible to believe that his classic, genius work was done more than forty years ago!  Suttle World demands a recount.  If Dennis Kucinich...

...And while we're in the Happy Days aisle, though its still a decade or so away, western civilization is quickly approaching the century mark for the history of sports broadcasting.  So, while Chris Berman still has a number of years to go, Suttle World doesn't believe he can maintain a pace to pass Curt Gowdy as the most overrated figure of the medium when it turns 100.

...(Las Vegas Review-Journal) - "Stroking the 4-year-old girl's head, Clinton said, "I feel so strongly that if we don't take care of our children, we don't take care of our future."  Suttle World is greatly relieved to know there is no left wing bias in Sin City's august news organ covering the world's smartest woman, who we now know from that answer that she could have been Miss America too.  It gets better.  "Clinton and her busload of traveling press moved from there to the popular local Mexican restaurant Lindo Michoacan, where a "roundtable" that was actually square passed a microphone around to tell her people's concerns about the mortgage crisis and foreclosures. She took notes and munched on tortilla chips."  She ate chips, took notes!  Given she's never had a mortgage, taking notes was probably a good idea.  Suttle World's eyes well with tears for such empathy.  ""No woman is illegal," Clinton said, to cheers." Insert joke here.  This whole thing could be the biggest laugh riot since the Hindenburg if the person in question weren't Satan.  Props to Review-Journal reporter MOLLY Ball for the material from your alleged journalistic effort.  Don't call the Pulitzer committee.  They'll call you. (Story here---it is astonishing).  Perhaps there was just no helping from getting caught up in the moment, fueled by the loss of the Senator's namesake, Sir Edmund.

...We now take a short break as Suttle World makes a visit to the vomitorium in the east wing of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  "The purge that refreshes."

..."(AP) NEW YORK - Squat, homely, dwarfed by stately oaks and poplars, and unnoticed by the tourists passing in horse-drawn carriages, it's a tree that only birds and nut-hungry squirrels could love.  But the 100-year-old European beech on Central Park's Cherry Hill was the center of attention Thursday, chosen by city officials as the first of 25 "historical" trees to be cloned as part of a plan to add a million new trees to public spaces over the next decade."  Great idea that leaves Suttle World wondering as to whether the tree cloning effort will utilize stem cells.

...The betting public still has its money on four blowouts for the second weekend of NFL playoff action, and Suttle World is loathe to disagree.  If the gentle surfer just has to have some action, Suttle World would suggest accepting the most generous spreads in a three team, six point teaser (net): SEA +13.5 @ GB; JAX +19 @ NE; and SEA @ GB over 37.  Pays 9:5.

...Wiffle Atlanta is scheduled for  a pick up event prior to kickoff this afternoon (2:00 Stone Mountain Middle School).  The workout is open to the public.  No word on turnout, but certainly enough to knock it around.  The ability to hold such an event is in large part due to the extended January thaw that the ATL has enjoyed for over a week now.  The color pinhead Doppler radar folks indicate the temperate clime to take a turn towards the norm as of Sunday.  Suttle World says the Mokeian predicted major winter weather event for the ATL comes before the end of the month.

January 11, 2008

...Really smart stuff from other folks. Kudlow is right on the money (damn, I'm funny) is his notion that there is no shortage of capital in the big bad world.  If anything, there's more than ever.  The problem is one of moving into the awkward adolescence of the Brave New World that is the instant info age, and markets are having difficulty figuring out exactly where everything (capital) is and what to do with it.  Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will take basis point cuts for 100 please, Ben.

...ZZ Top unexpectedly rolled up on President Bush  yesterday (remember George W?  He's the President of the United States) as he prayed at the traditional birthplace of Jesus at the start of a pilgrimage to some of Christianity's holiest sites during his current visit to the Middle East.  After a short tour of the sixth century Byzantine church he descended into the Grotto of the Nativity, an underground chapel glimmering with hanging lanterns, where he lit a candle at the believed site of Jesus's birth.  Suttle World's White House sources, speaking on the terms of anonymity, indicate that Foghat is expected to accompany President Bush today as he visits the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.

...Belated from Wednesday are two of the best sports takes heard in some time.  Suttle World believes it was Bill Plashcke on Around The Horn who in a throw away line spoke volumes:  "the Big 10 is the new WAC."  The other line is of unknown origin, but may be an all time top ten winner.  Characterizing Jessica Simpson as Yoko Romo is about as funny as it gets.

...Speaking of Yoko...Beatles tribute band?  Great.  Beatles tribute band on Imus?  Fine, its his show.  Beatles tribute band at Carnegie Hall?  HUH!????? This comes as something of a surprise for Suttle World, but there have been a number of long time NYC music venues that have closed shop in the past year (CBGB and the Continental, to name a couple).  The logical extension (on a purely hypothetical level, of course) is that if The Dictators were to play a gig or two before embarking on  a European tour, they need look no further for a room.  The Isaac Stern Auditorium / Ronald O. Perelman Stage at Carnegie holds just over 2000.  May not sell it out, but everyone would more than break even at $20 a head.

..."CONCORD, N.H. (AP) - Democrat Dennis Kucinich, who won less than 2 percent of the vote in the New Hampshire primary, said Thursday he wants a recount to ensure that all ballots in his party's contest were counted. The Ohio congressman cited "serious and credible reports, allegations and rumors" about the integrity of Tuesday results.  Woefully ignorant of Latin, unfortunately Suttle World cannot simply provide a pithy translation of "the idiot speaks for itself."  Once an admirer of the Harold Stassenesque character, Suttle World now advises the Gentlemen from Ohio to fix whatever dead animal is glued to your head so it won't fall off while searching the night sky with Shirley MacLaine for UFOs; oh, and please shut up while you're at it.

...Props to the mighty fighting Colonials of George Washington University (5-6,1-0) who started A10 conference play last night with a 49-20 win at home over St. Louis.  Being, held to a mere SEVEN POINTS in the first half, the Billikens made adjustments at the break and nearly doubled their output by posting 13 in the second 20 minutes.  Box score here, and well worth a glance.

...Suttle World only half way caught about half of the Republican joint news conference/"debate" last night on Fox News, but was struck by their focus group that was consulted after the event.  Basically, the guy who ran the group eschewed all the charts and graphs generated by the little dials each had been turning during the debate for a show of hands.  There may have been 20 in the group.  Asked how many supported Fred Thompson coming into the room, three signaled affirmative.  When asked who thought Thompson won the debate, all 20 raised their hands.  Evidently, Fred aint dead.

...Break out the Barcalounger.  NFL playoff action begins tomorrow afternoon when the Seahawks roll into Lambeau Field to take on the Packers.  A more detailed breakdown on the four games, all still with spreads about which John Holmes would have been proud, to come with tomorrow's update.  The entire ATL weekend TV sports lineup is here for the clicking.

January 10, 2008

...Suttle World takes comfort in being fairly certain there is a therapeutic value to be had when writing about being in the throws of the not so early onset of senile dementia.  By next week, updates will concern themselves with talk of grassy knolls in Roswell, NM wholly owned by the Council on Foreign Relations.  A full day of banter has come and gone since the New Hampshire results, and no one within earshot of  Suttle World shares its Clinton coup theory.  Some have come close, explaining the "upset" by citing the "Bradley factor" that well have been the driving force behind all the invalid poll data.  Suttle World speculates the Clintons plugged the Bradley factor into their algorithm of data that left them confident of Tuesday's results by Monday morning, and then revved up the playing possum machine.  Suttle World takes further comfort in stepping back and looking at the bigger picture for a glance---one that shows Hillary to still be unelectable in a national election against a competent opponent.  And whatever happened to Vince Foster?  Oh yeah, that's right---a real tragedy.

...If Pete Carroll will take the Falcons gig on the condition of full control, Suttle World advises Arthur to make the deal.  Suttle World doesn't care for the "total control"/wearing head coach and GM hats simultaneously, but Pete would be getting complete and full stewardship of a 3-13 steaming piece of intestinal sculpture.  How bad could it get?  The biggest downside Suttle World foresees is questioning the psychological stability of anyone who would leave USC in its present state to take the Falcons job.

...GW sucks at 4-6, and shows every sign of continuing down that vacuous path for the remainder of the season; but Suttle World is very encouraged to see three ranked Atlantic 10 teams at present---a vast improvement.  The A10 has been soft since Marcus Camby graduated.

..."NEW YORK (Reuters) - Two New York men wheeled the corpse of their friend around the sidewalks of midtown Manhattan in an office chair in a failed attempt to cash his $355 Social Security check, police said."  Now that's, hard core, old skool, pre-Giulianification, 1976 NYC. 

..."HOUSTON (Reuters) - A Houston-area man was killed in a hunting accident after his dog stepped on a loaded shotgun in the back of a pick-up truck, triggering a blast that pierced the vehicle and the hunter's leg, a local sheriff said."  Suttle World is well aware that it is not exactly breaking news, but any animal kills hunter story is worthy of mention.

January 9, 2008

...Its the new mantra, and Suttle World is sticking to it!  Change the batteries in your smoke detector.  Change your underwear (early and often).  Change lanes. Change the diaper of an infant or astronaut. Give change a chance.  "Change, change, change/Change of fools." (copyright Mitch Industries)

...Suttle World backs away from the keyboard for less than 24 hours to tend to some familial affairs, and finds itself maddeningly silent---unable to crank the air raid sirens and warn the gentle surfer of the gosh darn chicanery underway that played itself out last night in New Hampshire.  It was shortly after Suttle World publication Monday that Drudge "broke" (an aside, Drudge does a great job in the links department; its self styled, citizen journalistic work is quite another thing) the story of the discussion of an exit strategy inside the Hillary campaign.  Suttle World could smell the Clinton coup from over 1100 miles away.  Here's the Suttle World "rest of the story"/real deal.  The Clinton machine knows from poling (too easy---just leave it alone---for the record, Suttle World was going to call for the split finger in the form of Chelsea never having to worry about becoming adept at swinging on one).  They knew she was going to win after the Sunday night numbers were morphed into really spiffy charts and graphs; and then set about duping Drudge and others with these whispers of "oh my God, we're going to die."  The result, banner headlines screaming this morning across the fruited plane:  Hillary Wins Upset In New Hampshire.  It was a stroke of political genius that Suttle World warned of after Iowa (Suttle World, January 4 - "Suttle World would have preferred Hillary to have finished a close second, making it that much more difficult to play the "comeback kid" card").  A strategy of such brilliance that Suttle World would normally pause for a rousing round of applause where the fate of western civilization not in the balance.  The Edwards prognosis is grave.

...That takes care of the mommy/Democratic party.  On to the daddy party/GOP.  While impressed with the amount of support Senator McCain was able to garner, Suttle World simply cannot see Uncle Ernie standing on the dais at the convention with balloons swirling around his asymmetric head.  Pretty scary mental image, huh?  Point made.  Word on the street has Mitt Romney shopping with the Edwards at Coffin Depot for a group discount.  Though an unlikely nominee, Huckabee has to be pleased with the double digits Suttle World said would be necessary to carry forward to the fertile fields of South Carolina.  Rumor has it that Rudi Giuliani is running, but Suttle World is unsure as to where the mayor is conducting his campaign.  Further speculation this morning indicates that Fred Thompson was still fogging a mirror.  Bottom line:  the Republican side is meshugana.  May it continue in its blessed splendor---the whole fate of western civilization thing notwithstanding.

...Suttle World takes comfort in the fact that the gentle surfer that went long upon Suttle World trumpeting a 15,000 DOW by the end of last year no longer has the resources necessary to travel to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to inflict any personal injury and/or property damage.

..."TOKYO (Reuters) - New-born babies in Japan who can't make it around to visit all their relatives can now send them proxies instead - cuddly bags of rice.  A small rice shop in southern Japan, has been swamped with orders for "Dakigokochi" rice-filled bags shaped like a bundled baby and printed with the new-born's face and name.  Each rice bag is tailor-made to weigh as much as the new-born and shaped so the rice fills the bag up. Holding the round-edged bag would feel like holding a real baby."  In Suttle World, that's just freakin' weird.

...Regardless of what may or may not have gone on behind the scenes, Joe Gibbs stepped down as head coach of the Washington Redskins yesterday like the class act he's always been, and at exactly the right moment.  Already in Canton, Uncle Joe may also well be on the Mount Rushmore of pro coaches with Brown, Lombardi and Shula (OK, maybe Landry, Halas and Walsh would get the nod, but Joe's more than an honorable mention).  Meanwhile, another 72 hours until the NFL cranks up the second week of post season play, and the lines are HUGE!  None peak the interest of Suttle World as of this writing from an investment perspective, but if the betting public is correct, four blowouts are on the way this weekend.

...Speaking of the coming weekend.  It would appear that the current January thaw will extend through at least Saturday---allowing for an "impromptu" pick up game for Wiffle Atlanta veterans and 2008 rookies alike.  Commissioner Jordan advises that the festivities are to be held at the former Ralph Kramden Yards Saturday afternoon at 2:00.  In other Wiffle Atlanta news, negotiations with the City of Decatur Department of Parks and Recreation are set to continue Monday regarding the use of their facilities for the 2008 campaign---the fourth year for the now seasoned and ever expanding league.  Suttle World Senators beat writer, Dirk Bremen, reports that sources inside the ball club are confabbing as to the timing of potential surgical intervention to repair the shoulder of grandpa Suttle.

...Belated props to Goose Gossage for his induction into Cooperstown.  Suttle World appreciates the problems with evaluating relief pitchers as first of the great firemen become eligible.  Jim Rice is another story.  He's the prototypical on the bubble HOF guy, and despite being a hell of a ball player, Rice hit .298 lifetime with fewer than 400 homers and 1500 RBIs.  Close, but he's probably not getting penciled in on Suttle World's ballot either. If Dale Murphy didn't cut it with back-to-back MVPs... And with yesterday's announcement comes the annual Suttle World plea:  MAKE THE HOF VOTING PUBLIC.  Suttle World finds it appropriate that the Baseball Writers Association gets to make the call (though a few broadcast folks should be included as well), but Suttle World is adamant that those who make a living holding the feet of others to the fire via print should also have to answer for their own actions/votes.  Again, at least Bill Conlin had the balls to say he didn't vote for Aaron on the first ballot.  The other three cowards never came forward.  Baseball writers who did not vote for Aaron, Mays, et al on the first ballot can contact Suttle World confidentially here.  It'll be off the record---just between you, Suttle World and Randall Simon---with the latter two making a visit shortly after your "contact."  Let's just say we'll be in "touch."

January 8, 2008

...Overnight travel delayed the usual publication of Suttle World today.  The obligatory updates have been made, and Granite Stalagmites are at the polls.  Having been detached from typical information sources, Suttle World has no particular insight into tonight's results, but will take more interest in the outcome of the New Hampshire primary than LSU's clubbing of the baby seals that are the Ohio State Buckeyes. If games only lasted 5 minutes they'd have to build a new trophy case in Columbus.  Instead the drawer of lovely parting gifts is just a bit more crowded.  

January 7, 2008

...West coast media organs have yet to report on the event, but from the mailbag this morning comes news that none other than that New England dwelling Suttle World fave, cuzin Paul Edward Waring III, playing yesterday at The Grayhawk Golf Club in scenic Phoenix, AZ completed the 180 yard, par three, fifth hole in a single stroke!  Yes, that would be a hole in one boys and girls, with the mighty Bubs felling the desert hole with his trusty 7 "wood" (halllll-owe).  Being such a cause for celebration, DeKalb County schools have extended their winter break and the lady of the stately Roberts/Suttle Manor has lengthened her vacation by another day to commemorate the event.  Word on the street is that MARTA will not charge riders today to honor the former long time Atlanta resident, and local TV news coverage has already shown numerous depictions of grown men, women and children weeping openly in the streets.  So let the trumpets herald the sacred magically disappearing dimpled ball that will, no doubt, come to occupy a place of honor in the already accolade crowded Little House of Champions on the Green Mountain (OK, so it needs some punching up).

...NetJets, the now national, fractional ownership, corporate/private charter company is currently flying in excess of 370,000 legs a year!  That's 370,000 legs filled with what were previously first class, full-fare/cash cow commercial airline passengers.

...Suttle World cannot remember which talking head said it yesterday, but it will gladly use the line:  New Hampshire could turn Hillary into Ed Muskie in a pants suit.  More on the primary as the polls open Tuesday.  

..."If you had Bowling Green and 55 points, you lose!" So sayeth long time Suttle World friend Warner Wolf this morning, reporting on the inexplicable GMAC Bowl played last night and won by Tulsa 63-7.  Suttle World advises taking LSU and laying the 4 points in the not so anxiously awaited Allstate, We Don't Suck as Much as You Bowl tonight.  Speed kills, a hard learned lesson by most Big 10 teams most years come bowl time.  Suttle World speculates that as of this writing Maurice Clarett has reported to his work station at the prison laundry.

...Rumor has it that as of this writing, Eli Manning is in negotiations to purchase a billboard in Times Square that will read simply:  "Bite Me."  Props to Eli and Tom Coughlin for doing exactly what was necessary against an always tenacious Tampa defense.  In the nightcap, the Chargers cover the 10 points in a dreadful affair.  The NFL goes one for four in the first round entertainment wise, but has the coming weekend to get on track before 2008's first of the five Suttle World High Holy Days of Sport---conference championship Sunday (1/20). 

January 6, 2008

...Today's Suttle World Security Council Daily Briefing is brought to you by our friends at Lancer's Rose..."Lancer's Rose---the shit you used to drink and think you were cool doing it because we told you so."

...There is no joy in the nation's capital, and though stricken with grief and angst today my brothers and sisters of the Redskin nation, let thee take comfort in that this may well be the darkest hour before the dawn.  The dawn of a bright new day with a shining city on a hill.  OK, try it this way:  Suttle World has been at this Washington fan thing for over 40 years now, and is in it for the long hall.  The run at the end of the season was great, especially in the face of such adversity, etc, etc, etc...  And while Suttle World readily admits to not knowing an X from an O, it is of the considered opinion that the time for the second post Joe Gibbs era has long since come.  Yesterday's ass kicking may well hasten the start of said era---the first step necessary in recovery for a franchise mired in mediocrity---and early 21st century NFC mediocre is not a pretty thing.  Memo to Danny Snyder:  just sign the power of attorney over to Suttle World, and go hang with some other annoying person (in private please).  Suttle World has no intention of running the show, but believes your check book can find someone who will do so skillfully.  Same offer is open to Art, locally.  Art was genius when it came to selling hammers and nails, and made "we must be crazy" bucks in the process of building a then incredible success (Home Depot), but it doesn't mean Art can be hands on with an NFL franchise anymore than one would want a neurosurgeon doing one's brake job.  Suttle World pledges a fiduciary duty to either party to find the proper folks to spend your money.  Contact Suttle World here at your leisure.  Let's work something out/do lunch.

...Props to the Jags for what Suttle World believed to be a highly unlikely win in Pittsburgh, and if the truth be known, had Suttle World bellied up to the betting bar yesterday, it would have most likely broke even by semi-hedging its call for yesterday's teaser (blown up by two ridiculous Todd Collins, Tom Collinsesque pick sixes in the fourth quarter, thank you) by taking the Steelers and using the blessed hook along with two points (+2.5) to cash a ticket.  Pittsburgh getting points at home in a playoff game---are you kidding me?  Today, Suttle World sees the first game of the Giants at Bucs to be a smash mouth, so ugly its cute, kind of affair.  It is Suttle World's hope that the night cap is entertaining, but fears San Diego may run away from Tennessee in a big way, in a big hurry.  If the Chargers score more than 10 points, they win.  Speaking of which, remember those horrific SoCal fires several months back?  Remember the angst over as to whether San Diego should play and where?  Remember the Kumbaya moment when they took the field?  Why did it take a last minute mass ticket purchase to make today's event a sellout, thereby avoiding a playoff game being blacked out in the San Diego market?  "SoCal: and you think your aunt Mildred is strange." ©Mitch Industries.

...Suttle World sees no real wagering opportunities for today's action, excepting for those who would dare to give Tennessee 10 points---not that much of a reach (see above).

...Speaking of spending other people's money, its two days til New Hampshire.  It is worthy of pointing out from time to time, that it is Suttle World's expectation and belief in the ability of the gentle surfer to avail itself of the events of the day, or "news," on its own accord.  With that "house rule" once again posted for all to see, Suttle World will leave the gathering of data and its relevance to the gentle surfer's own efforts.  Good luck.  It has become apparent to Suttle World that the media gaggle following around the 6-8 "real" candidates has become insulated from reality within the confines of their very small environment---22 hours a day, seven days a week of covering a presidential race.  A smart news director, producer or whatever would be well advised to rotate reporters in and out of the campaign field, and perhaps news stories would begin to emerge as opposed to the current hostage tapes being fed.  For what its worth, though Suttle World did not take in last night's "debate," Suttle World is of the definite opinion that neither party will have a clear frontrunner after New Hampshire Tuesday, or even South Carolina the following week.  May it carry forward to fist fights on the respective convention floors.  Our experience is that this "system" produces poor candidates and even worse government, so the gentle surfer is left at the proverbial fork in the road.  One is the path of chagrin. The other is a path of amusement.  Suttle World prefers the amusement ride.  Take Hillary, please.  Suttle World truly hopes its on the right track in beginning to take amusement in its own (and that of many others) true terror of the senior Senator from New York.  Not that a fear of Satan is a bad thing, its just that she's fading away into irrelevancy as yesterday's news.  Two administrations old.  Everybody allegedly wants "change" (whatever the hell that is), and Hillary may be an evil, maniacal socialist, but she's certainly not "change."  She's 16 years worth of Washington.  Even better, at this writing the 5000:1 Suttle World pick of an Edwards v. Huckabee election looks a lot better than could have ever been imagined when made some 10 months ago.  Still not a chance in hell, but its the potential---work with me here.

...Props to correspondent Moke who sends this link to a current feature on accessatlanta.com (a typically very tedious, but occasional must do site due their ownership by the local media monopoly) recounting the good ole' punk days of the ATL 30 years back, pegged on the first ever Sex Pistols North American gig at the old Great Southeast Music Hall.  Very nice pics, and well worth the click.  Speaking of which, the band that opened for the Pistols on that riotous night were our dear friends, the mighty Curis-O-Matic (with a really cool, new spiffed up web site), that has announced their next appearance, being billed as their 30th Anniversary show, will take place Saturday, January 19 within walking distance of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor at the Moon Shadow Tavern (Lawrenceville Hwy/29 & Fellowship, Tucker---OK. maybe a shlep, but it could be done, and on fine new sidewalks at that).  This is a delightful departure from the last half dozen or so gigs that have all been Newnan other locales distant to the Manor.  More pimpin', pics and eventual review to come.

..."(AP) FERNLEY, Nev. - A canal breach early Saturday pouring 3 feet of freezing water into about 800 homes and trapped about 3,500 people, authorities said. A 30-foot wide section of the Truckee Canal broke shortly before 5 a.m., sending a wave of water rushing into the desert town on the eastern side of the Sierra near Reno, officials said."  You're just minding your own business, watching a blizzard, when three feet of 40° water comes rolling along.  Regardless of the gentle surfer's events of yesterday, they probably did not suck as much as those of Fernley, NV.  The picture to the right is not that of Fernley, NV, and in no way depicts their sloshing through their ordeal, but as we have learned in recent "photojournalism" publications, a picture's relevancy is really unimportant so long as it draws the eye.  Its a Rupert Murdock kinda deal.

...Chick hoops and the PBA: High Desert Classic compete with NFL playoffs for the gentle surfer's viewing eyes this afternoon that TV pretty well defers to pro football.  Also, there's Xavier at Auburn at 3:00 on FSN, should the first game get out of hand and/or between NFL contests.  And, of course, tonight there's the long anticipated GMAC Bowl: Bowling Green vs. Tulsa (8:00 ESPN).  Huh!?

January 5, 2008

..."(Financial Post) - A new crisis is emerging, a global food catastrophe that will reach further and be more crippling than anything the world has ever seen. The credit crunch and the reverberations of soaring oil prices around the world will pale in comparison to what is about to transpire, Donald Coxe, global portfolio strategist at BMO Financial Group said at the Empire Club's 14th annual investment outlook in Toronto on Thursday...Mr. Coxe said the sharp rise in raw food prices in the past year will intensify in the next few years amid increased demand for meat and dairy products from the growing middle classes of countries such as China and India as well as heavy demand from the biofuels industry."  Again, Suttle World doesn't want a check, just a little attribution.  Was it not Chinese food demand (not to be confused with the total number of moo goo gai pan orders filled) that was the leverage the US had to jumpstart the new Suttle World Doctrine of:  "Let China Do It?"  A card, flowers---the Empire Club sounds really important.  Surely there's $50 in the budget for a small token of appreciation.  If its all on Coxe, certainly a global portfolio strategist could spring for a Red Lobster gift card.  Suttle World gives, and it gives, and it gives...

..."(AP) SINGAPORE - Male macaque monkeys pay for sex by grooming females, according to a recent study that suggests the primates may treat sex as a commodity." (Story)  Perhaps Paul Harvey is wrong, and it is one world.

...Disproving once again any positive correlation between career wins and IQ, it seems that punk ass Michelin spokesman Roger Clemens is going to play the B12 card.  Very clever, Roger.  Suttle World is of the opinion that Clemens should not only be interviewed by his buddy Mike Wallace tomorrow night on the CBS tabloid program, 60 Minutes, but should get a permanent chair on the show.  This is akin to Big Bird making a special guest appearance on the Muppet Show. As opposed to a mentally ill 85 year old friend doing the interview, Suttle World believes a better set up can be found---and cheap.  All that's needed is a camera, a small room, Mike Piazza and a baseball bat.  Suttle World is of the opinion that such a setting would get to the bottom (damn, I'm funny) of this matter quickly.  Suttle World also delights in the threats of a law suit from roid administering trainer dude.  Law suits begat depositions, and depositions are fun.

...We've found her, and traffic worldwide will be much lighter for the next week!  "LONDON (Reuters) - A woman banned from driving for seven days after traveling at speeds of less than 10mph on the motorway told Reuters on Friday: "that road's my nemesis." Stephanie Cole, 58, of Fishponds, Bristol, straddled the hard shoulder and inside lane as she dawdled along a stretch of the M32 near her home last August."  Suttle World has always been of the mind that gridlocked traffic is ultimately caused by whomever is in the front of the line.  If the idiot in front would just go a little faster...  Well, we've found the woman in the front of the line, but as to why the penalty is for only a week as opposed to permanent escapes Suttle World entirely.  Perhaps the UN could take this on as a project; and putting a few folks at the UN to work on anything would ease the traffic nightmare it visits on Manhattan.

...A preview of some of the features in tomorrows edition of the Suttle World Sunday Magazine include:  The Dream:  Eliminating Appendicitis in Our Lifetime, and Bat Guano:  Its Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.

...Finally to something of import:  the Redskins and the NFL playoffs in general.  Washington at Seattle is up first this afternoon at 4:30.  Jacksonville at Pittsburgh is the nightcap, beginning at 8:00.  "Should be two great ball games.  Back to you, Bob."  Any gentle surfer who gives a damn, knows the story lines for each game; and speaking of lines, despite there being only two games on the docket for today, there is an excellent wagering opportunity seen by Gene, the Caucasian.  Its your standard, government issued, three play, six point teaser (net):  WAS +9.5 @ SEA; WAS @ SEA over 33.5; and PIT +8.5 v. JAX.  Pays 9:5.  Suttle World might also be tempted to take both underdogs (WAS +3.5 & PIT +2.5) in a cute little 5:2 paying parlay as well. 

January 4, 2008

...Going into last night's Iowa caucuses nobody had a clue as to what would happen.  The results are now official, and now nobody has a clue as to what they mean.  Suttle World does know this much:  Iowa provided the greatest possible potential of a continuing fustercluck.  If the sausage making process that is the nomination system of the hermetically sealed "two party" system as it currently exists is to carry forth (a system only a BCS committee member could love), then let the ugliness spill forth across the fruited plane.  For the record, Suttle World is a long way from notching up the "told you so" meter just because Mike Huckabee not only won last night's Republican contest, but did so from out of nowhere and by double digits.  Mitt Romney remains an entity somewhere between cardboard cutout and bad Disney Country Bear Jamboree display.  Suttle World would have preferred Hillary to have finished a close second, making it that much more difficult to play the "comeback kid" card, but any time a Clinton gets their ass kicked is a day for celebration---one that could extend past the Democrat's convention this summer.  Iowa Democrats that turn out on caucus night are traditionally very liberal (as in Little Red Book totin' folk), and if the world's smartest woman can't easily sway that crowd...what's a mother to do?  All aboard!  The Fustercluck Polar Pinhead Express is now departing.  Platform 4.  Next stop Concord.

...Forget to pick something up for the person that has everything over the holidays?  "NORFOLK, Va. (AP) - The family that owns Norfolk, Va.-based Landmark Communications is exploring a sale of the company's businesses, including The Weather Channel and nine daily newspapers."  Rumors that Suttle World, or its parent company Mit)h Industries, is involved in the negotiations are unfounded, according to sources close to Suttle World.

...Belated by a day, but a no less sincere happy birthday to Ross the Boss.  When last heard from around Christmas, the real Guitar Hero was headed to Germany for an ongoing recording project.  Also a chance for a long overdue shout out to webmistress Ms. Dawn Owar for her continuing efforts with the above link.  In other Dictators news, reliable sources very close to the band indicate that there may well be a Euro tour in the works with some hope of a NYC gig or two added on.  Makes sense, given they could make money over there well before the Euro doubled in value.  Though Mapquest will have to be consulted, Suttle World's initial inclination is that at $3/gallon, Spain is a bit too far of a drive to justify.  Finally, White Castle has yet to announce its 2007 inductees into their Slyders Hall of Fame.  There is no explanation for the delay, and Suttle World finds it difficult to imagine any reason for such an inattentive injustice to continue.  The Suttle World/DeCaro effort in nominating The Dictators for the Hall is here for the clicking, and requires a more prominent link somewhere on this site for newer gentle surfers to behold, and others to use as reference material.

...The Orange Bowl was played last night, and Suttle World would offer a score and commentary if it thought any gentle surfer really gave a damn.

...Following a tough four point loss in Cleveland Saturday, the 15-14 Hawks visit the Pacers tonight.

...Pitchers and catchers report in six weeks.

..."Ouch! Cervical cancer shots painful" reads the AP headline.  Suttle World is of the opinion that the discomfort can be easily avoided by the gentle surfer not getting a cervical cancer shot.  Who needs cervical cancer, especially during flu season?

......"HAVANA (Reuters) - Priests offering New Year's prophecies from Cuba's Afro-Cuban religion on Wednesday gave few hints on the future of convalescing leader Fidel Castro and instead warned about dangerous climate change and epidemics."  And the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize goes to...

January 3, 2008

...This time tomorrow morning the caucus votes will have been counted, and Iowans will take a statewide holiday to assist the various campaigns pack and get the hell out of the Hawkeye State for at least another two years.  Suttle World has read extensively, studied numerous charts and graphs, examined the results of focus groups, and even made phone calls to random residents of Iowa.  Doing so has left Suttle World with the inescapable conclusion that no one has the slightest clue as to how things will go tonight and how the results will or won't transfer to New Hampshire just five days later.

...Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is not alone in the brisk department, as the nation throws on an extra layer to beat back a cold snap currently facing most of the country.  Daytona Beach, FL is expecting snow flurries today.  The mercury has lazily risen to but 16° at the Manor, with winds making the temp seem that much more of the "bitter cold" variety.  Suttle World is thankful for global warming, or it could really be chilly out there.

...Boomer Sooner indeed---a two touchdown loss to a coachless, barefoot West Virginia squad in the vaunted Fiesta Bowl last night.

...Seems to Suttle World that Isaiah Thomas could sell whatever Polaroid's he has of whomever stashed away in a NYC safe deposit box that have allowed him to keep his job with the Knicks for a hell of a lot more money than whatever his contract currently pays.  Suttle World's money is on the MSG executive and German Sheppard consort.

...Suttle World Headquarters is in a lovely state of array, and now only awaits the reinsertion of various stuff in an organized manner for the rehabilitation project to be complete.  Major props to the world's greatest wife for a wonderful painting effort.  The renovations will, of course, have a positive impact on the output of Suttle World, thereby further enriching the life of the gentle surfer, who can pay their homage directly to her here.

January 2, 2008

...A great deal could be related about the first day of 2008, but the most salient point came out of the Sugar Bowl in the form of another gambling axiom:  never wager on a team whose name sounds like something that can be bought from a men's room vending machine.  Suttle World did enjoy the unique cultural elements that Hawaii brought to New Orleans last night---from the bands' stunning green Mohawk tassel draped down the center of their vintage WWI German pith helmets, to the pre-game "Ha-Ha" dance, to the traditional 7000 miles roundtrip to get beat by four touchdowns---it was a festive affair until kickoff.  The tales of Hawaii hall of fame inductee, St. Mary's Sugar Bowl sensation and Hawaii Five-O cast member Squirmin' Herman Wedemeyer were the stuff of a Modern Marvels episode.

...36 hours until the Iowa caucuses begin, and nobody has a clue whose gonna win what or how.  The App State factor continues, and Suttle World likes it.

...Painting complete.  Reorganization next.  Suttle World Headquarters nears the end of its physical rehabilitation project.

...Helping mightily to jump start the first work day of the new year comes cuzin Matt and the third of a recent trilogy of pieces from >>>>>>>>

January 1, 2008 - New Year's Day

...A cursory visual inspection of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor on this wind-blown 40° morning would tend to indicate that life as we know it continued on to a brand new blotter overnight, leaving a new year in all its quiet holiday splendor.  Suttle World brought in the New Year with its brothers and sisters of London, and damn near made it for the ball, peach et al drops/pickle squirts, but despite the best efforts of Clemson and Auburn in what for unknown reasons  always seems to be the most entertaining Peach/Chik-fil-A Bowl, failed to do so.  So props to the Romans for their timekeeping efforts that today gives us 2008.  Inexplicably, once again Suttle World is a late riser, ergo the belated update---perhaps appropriate for the disrupted homeostasis currently enjoyed by many gentle surfers.  Like electrical work, massive alcohol consumption is a job best left to professionals; but folks aren't going to listen so Suttle World generously advises the gentle surfer of Amateur Drinker Tip #3 - No carbonated mixers!  Same deal with Champagne.  The little bubbles push the booze into the bloodstream at a faster rate, leaving the bush leaguer in a knee walking state in a big hurry. 

...Rehab efforts on Suttle World Headquarters were deferred in honor of last night's calendar change, and are set to resume today.  Full functionality is expected to return by tomorrow's update with full completion still a few days off---hastening to add that Suttle World HQ is a very dynamic environment.  Details on the Grand Re-Opening to come.

...Back to the college gridiron.  First, while all were aware the ACC was in a down year, Tech should have to walk back from Boise and carry the blue field with them after a pathetic effort yesterday against Fresno State.  Let not bowl eligible status fool the gentle surfer, Tech's program is in every much a state of disarray as the Falcons.  Props to the kids from Florida State that could suit up yesterday evening, coming up short against Kentucky.  The former mother of all football days, New Year's Day, this year provides a hodgepodge of mostly dull affairs, as everyone waits another week for a "national championship" game that nobody really wants to see.  Tennessee and Wisconsin tee it up at 11:00; and it goes from there---a complete rundown of today's TV lineup is here for the clicking.  Nothing of real interest at the wagering window either, excepting to note that Georgia/Hawaii has dropped to 7.5 from its opening line listing Georgia as a 10 point favorite---opposite from Suttle World's forecast, but still certain more than 7.5 could be had locally and wouldn't be surprise in a slight up-tick as the last minute and "oh my God, I've gotta get even" money flows in throughout the day..  Meanwhile, the big  boys wait to begin play Saturday.

...Also, the most photographed and overrated event on the planet, which is the Tournament of Roses Parade precedes USC's drubbing of Illinois this morning.  "That's right, Bob, the Lubbock High School band earned their way here selling toasted marshmallows door-to-door."

...A belated note---be it intuition or a loss to Binghamton, Suttle World is grateful for its choice to not drive 6 and a half hours to Tuscaloosa to see GW get the snot beat out of it by Alabama last Saturday.

...Only 48 hours until about as many freaks in Iowa decide the next President of the United States in Farmer Brown's living room.  The framers would be proud.

..."CHICAGO (Reuters) - A "surge" of overused words and phrases formed a "perfect storm" of "post-9/11" cliches [sic, and ironic] in 2007, according to a U.S. university's annual list of words and phrases that deserve to be banned."  The story in its entirety can be found here, and Suttle World not only agrees with its findings, but is also proud to say that it has avoided each of 2007's clichés like the plague.

*1.	The Dictators	10-3-0	.769	857	W-1	12	21
*2.	Dollar Bills	9-4-0	.692	1023	L-2	11	15
*3.	The Great Falconi	9-4-0	.692	858	W-1	8	30
4.	Prancing Nougats	8-5-0	.615	908	W-2	5	12
5.	Geekanators	7-6-0	.538	823	L-1	9	12
6.	Rats & Mice	6-7-0	.462	962	W-2	3	9
7.	the fighting irish	6-7-0	.462	883	W-4	7	37
8.	White Lightning	6-7-0	.462	870	W-1	6	9
9.	TFFT	6-7-0	.462	821	L-2	1	7
10.	Mother Tuckers	5-8-0	.385	867	L-1	2	10
11.	Bitter Lesbian Thugs	3-10-0	.231	767	L-2	4	11
12.	Window Lickers	3-10-0	.231	563	L-1	10	23

..."Lawrenceville decides to recognize King Day" reads the headline on ajc.com this morning, and Suttle World found it rather disturbing before further reading informed that the Gwinnett County seat, the very same Lawrenceville where Larry Flint was shot, was just getting around to recognizing the Martin Luther King Holiday--- opposed to King Day that would celebrate the really creepy dude pimping Whoppers.  In fact, Suttle World is personally familiar with many more persons who wish to be part of the  old white lady mini-van hit squad currently depicted in the TV ad campaign than those who wish to eat a Whopper.  In fact, Suttle World is not personally familiar with anyone who truly wants to eat a Whopper.

...Contrary to popular opinion that will only swell today, the fact that the Patriots have won their last two games in which they got more than bargained for from less than stellar ball clubs, only goes to re-enforce the 16-0 bandwagon upon which Suttle has been since week 5 or so.  Dynastic or not, every ball club has off nights, and/or runs into a team playing way over its head, and the Pats just win.  In the NFL, they only count wins, and New England knows how to win.  Pats 16-0; Dolphins 0-16.  And God bless mommy, and daddy, and the 2007 football season---combining college and pro, if not already, then all the makings are in place to make it the wackiest on record.  It also explains why Suttle World sits very uncharacteristically atop the above published standings.

SUTTLEWORLD 
               
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