Archives---January 2010
January 31, 2010
...Memo to WAGA, the Fox affiliate in the ATL, and all other major market network affiliates: Thou shall not do birthday greetings during morning "news programming," just as s thou shall not do a "swap meet on the air." There's always plenty of wire copy to read, or just go Ted Baxter, and "pause for four minutes of silence for the closing of the auto show."
...The official bucket of the National Weather Service proximate to the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters filled with seven inches of snow through Saturday morning. Would Mr. Plow please pick up the white courtesy phone?
...Suttle World is pleased to announce that it has joined a dozen Asian nations and Russia by vowing to double the number of wild tigers by 2022, crack down on poaching that has devastated the big cats and prohibit the building of roads and bridges that could harm their habitats. Yes, this will bring a halt to the traditional Labor Day white tiger hunt on the grounds of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, but the sacrifice appears to be worthwhile.
...Very quietly, Roger Federer may well have built a solid claim for a place on the Mt. Rushmore of sport. Sure, tennis has just a slightly larger following than curling, but 16 majors would seem to come in the res ipsa loquitor aisle.
...Though still to be vivisected by the Sunday morning talking heads, the state of the union address has come and gone with little amplification or extension of President Obama's remarks emanating from the White House. Mr. President, small business owners listened for over an hour, and still have heard nothing that provides any greater insight into government's onus in the future, and consequently, will push forward very cautiously in terms of hiring. Yes, jobs are job one, but big time tax increases on the owners of small businesses (90% of the "evil rich") aint the way to go.
January 30, 2010
...Sources close to Suttle World indicate deep rumblings from the bowels of The Dictators underground. While a performance by the band, per se, is highly unlikely, "individual" arrangements would appear to remain a work in progress for the not too distant future.
...Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor escaped any winter precipitation overnight as did the entire ATL, and such will remain the case despite falling temps on a very wet and nasty Every Day Is Saturday. Meanwhile, the National Weather Service is reporting that four inches of snow as of 7:00 pm Thursday at the western North Carolina satellite headquarters. Local news organs have reported overnight accumulations of between 10 and 12 inches, with several more yet to fall before the storm comes to an end. Obviously, electrical and cable service are not an issue at this writing. So, what's not to like? A long driveway that Suttle World seriously doubts will clear itself, remotely or otherwise.
...The simple fact that there's chatter about the Pro Bowl being moved from Hawaii, and not including Super Bowl players, proves it to be a genius move by the NFL. A trip to Hawaii isn't the perk it used to be for the average NFL player any more, and nobody has had anything to say about the game for decades, excepting that they weren't going to watch it.
...Props once again to the Atlanta Hawks who complete a four game regular season sweep of the Celtics with a win over Boston Friday night at Philips.
January 29, 2010
...Memo to Mother Nature: this is not funny. Between six and ten inches of snow are forecast to fall overnight and through Saturday at the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite office. More frozen precip is predicted for next week. This is most incontinent. Please cease and desist immediately.
...As a bookkeeping chore, the aforementioned winter storm may well interfere with the ability of Suttle World to make continued daily updates over the weekend. Stay tuned for details as they develop.
...Suttle World speculates that Toyota looks as bad as they do because of their lack of experience in damage control. Everything's always worked pretty damn well, and that track record leads Suttle World to believe the car maker will get things right, albeit with a very awkward start.
...So it wasn't just Suttle World who found President Obama calling out the Supreme Court during the state of the union address to be really "strange"---a rather kind characterization. Count Suttle World in the "inappropriate" column, but its the president's speech; a Constitutionally mandated duty of the chief executive that Suttle World would prefer to just be mailed in as opposed to the recent traditional Westminster Kennel Club meeting, One final thought from Wednesday night's speech. Any gentle surfer joining President Obama in bashing Wall Street is also, quite likely, simultaneously giving a beat down to its own 401K.
January 28, 2010
...Suttle World was very impressed with President Obama's state of the union speech last night. It took over an hour, but the message was clear to his colleagues on the Democratic side of the aisle, "pay no attention to the voter behind the curtain." Only 207 shopping days left until the off-year elections. Suttle World had no expectation that the president would "quit." Suttle World is increasingly encouraged that voters won't quit either come November.
...Hoops. First, props the the New Jersey Nets on picking up their fourth win of the season to push the team's record to 4-40 at the halfway point of the NBA season. Meanwhile the Hawks continue on their best effort in nearly two decades---holding a slim half game lead in the Southeastern Division. The weekly check of the mighty fighting Colonials shows an overtime win for GW over A-10 rivals---the Billikens of St. Louis Wednesday to move to 12-7 (3-2).
...In the midst of the great depression 2.0, 8.7 million iPhones were sold in the fourth quarter of 2009. Dick Tracy would be proud.
\January 27, 2010
,,,Sources at the White House say that tonight's state of the union speech will stress jobs, healthcare and a reinvigoration of the "yes, we can" spirit that swept President Obama into office in the 2008 election.. Memo to President Obama: work on reducing taxes and spending. The great unwashed will take care of the other concerns.
,,,In Suttle World, the flesh is willing, but the rest of the world remains weak. There's simply very little upon which to comment.
January 25, 2010
...The first High Holy Day of the 2010 sport calendar lived up to its billing, and both NFL Conference championships proved to be great viewing. And so, the Colts meet the Saints (the gentle surfer just coming out of an extended coma is assured the latter team is indeed correct) two weeks hence in Miami for Super Bowl XLIV---sue me.
...The gentle surfer is encouraged to clean out the stalls in preparation for the ponies that President Obama will promise every non-financial instruction employed American to go along with a time share in Florida and McDonalds' coupons during his state of the union address Wednesday night. Let's try this one more time: "middle class" issues such as student loan payments and child care credits don't mean shit if the gentle surfer is jobless. Jobs are created by wealthy folks---the same "evil rich" that this administration and its allies in Congress seem so determined to punish. As predicted, welcome to Jimmy Carter 2.0.
January 24, 2010
...The first of the year's five High Holy Days of Sport has arrived, and Suttle World must confess that the giddy meter is not pegging. Maybe its because 7 of the 8 post seasons contests to date have been blow outs. Still, a High Holy Day it is, and as such Suttle World is far from put upon by taking a closer look at the games on tap. First up: The American Football Conference Championship with the little Jets who could traveling into the dome in Indy to take on Peyton and the Colts. Of course, the Colts should prevail, just like the Jets shouldn't even be in this game. Perhaps the most interesting element of the opener is the spread in the spreads, with New York getting anywhere between 5.5 and 8.5 points (both at the standard -$110). In the nightcap, grandpa Bret and his Vikings head into the Super Dome to take on the Saints. Yes, New Orleans enjoys a big time home field advantage, but Minnesota is accustomed to such circumstances, playing all their home games in that hideous spectacle in Minneapolis. Bookmakers are more certain on this one, spotting the Vikes 3.5 points. Gene, the Caucasian, simply doesn't see any plays on the boards to his liking, and may well close up shop for the year (the Caucasian rarely offers Super Bowl picks), with a meager $70 in profit on the season. The most likely upset is with the Vikings, and the money line approaches +$170... Its not a pick, but the "best buy" Suttle World can find.
...Suttle World extends a belated AMF to baseball legend Bobby Bragan, who shuffled off this mortal coil Thursday. He was 92, and died of complications related to being 92. One of the game's great characters, Bragan and Bob Gibson remain the only two players in MLB history to compel a rule change. Suttle World extends its thanks to correspondent, cuzin Bill for both the update and fellowship yesterday afternoon.
...Seems as though half the western world has its panties in a twitter (damn, I funny) over the possibility of Facebook charging its users a monthly fee. Suttle World's only question is to whether or not they throw in a free 90 day trial subscription to AOL?
..."LONDON (Reuters) – International hotel chain Holiday Inn is offering a trial human bed-warming service at three hotels in Britain this month. If requested, a willing staff-member at two of the chain's London hotels and one in the northern English city of Manchester will dress in an all-in-one fleece sleeper suit before slipping between the sheets." Suttle World speculates that guests who take advantage of the "service" will have probably already emptied out the mini bar.
January 23, 2010
,,,The Mega Millions lottery jackpot has rolled over to an anticipated $121 million for next Tuesday's drawing. The gentle surfer is urged to send $5 to Suttle World for the guaranteed winning numbers (allow 4-6 weeks for delivery).
...Lily, the Minnesota bear of recent cyber fame, gave birth to one cub mid-day Friday. Yogi Bear, the former actor cum bear welfare rights advocate, and who is acting as a spokesbear for Lily, said in a written statement, that both mother and cub are resting comfortably. Neither Fuzzy Wuzzy nor John Edwards, both rumored to be the cub's biological father, were available for comment. The bear link is here.
...A Suttle World hypothetical for the gentle surfer to ponder: fast forward a year. Republicans have re-gained control of both houses of Congress---work with Suttle World here, it was advertised as a hypothetical. Upon being sworn in, the new Congress immediately extends the Bush tax cuts, and marches the bill down Pennsylvania Avenue with a message. Mr. President, we tried your way, and it hasn't worked. This way works every time. Do you have a pen? Purely an academic exercise?---most likely, but Suttle World is certain that it would enjoy the song and dance routine from this administration were it come to pass.
January 22, 2010
...It truly was lovely evening, with Suttle World and bride of Suttle World departing stately Roberts/Suttle Manor shortly after 6:00 and returning around 9:30. In the interim, Suttle World enjoyed the prototypical Atlanta sports experience. Bride of Suttle World had been the beneficiary of a couple of Thrashers ducats, and the couple in question arrived at Philips Arena about 10 minutes prior to face off. Both had agreed to dine on a semblance of real food at the attached Taco Mac, and so the merriment proceeded through the first period, as the couple in question watched Carolina build a 2-0 lead. Seats were reached during the first intermission. The second period was watched live, and in person, as the Thrashers mailed in the better part of another 20 minute frame, and trailed 4-1 a the second intermission. Suttle World and bride of Suttle World then left the building. There seemed no reason to linger in order to watch to awful teams, with the Atlanta club flatter than a billiards table. It was a fun cheap date, but not necessarily so for the other 8-9,000 in attendance. Final: Carolina 5 Atlanta 2. You want $50 for what? Suttle World repeats: this league is in real trouble.
...The weekly check-in on the mighty fighting Colonials from George Washington University (11-6,1-3) finds the ball club stuck on 11 wins---dropping contests to both the titan that is LaSalle as well as Dayton since Suttle World last reported. Next up: the Spiders of Richmond tomorrow at the Smith Center in DC.
...The greatest comedic actress in the medium of television, 88 year old Betty White, will be honored by the Screen Actors Guild with a lifetime achievement award. as the sixtieth anniversary of her career nears. About damn time.
...Props to the Supremes (or the five that do not dwell in an oxygen deprived environment) for carving a big chunk out of McCain/Feingold yesterday. Piece by piece, the entire First Amendment bashing train wreck of a law will disappear, and none too soon for Suttle World.
...Where does Suttle World sign up for the job where that when deemed no longer profitable, one receives a $45 million severance package? The devoted gentle surfer is more than aware that Suttle World can not be funny for a hell of a lot less. Given the number of writers involved, the yuckless late night airwaves are shameful.
...Yes, though not previously noted, this Sunday does indeed mark the first of the Five High Holy Days on the Sports Calendar. Suttle World will assumes that it has gone unmentioned largely because the post season has been pretty damn dull to date---as in, Super Bowl dull.
January 21, 2010
...Suttle World cannot complain about the remote connectivity this week, but the current state of affairs in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is such that these once simple daily updates have become quite the chore. Ergo, the short and sweet nature of the daily get togethers.
...Has Suttle World mentioned that Scott Brown (R-MA) now holds the senate seat once occupied by Ted Kennedy?
... Believed belated shout out to cuzin Jim up Richmond way, and the amazing successful re-emergence of The Comfort Brothers---a catering with a grin enterprise owned and operated by Jimbo and partner. Suttle World is unsure as to arrangements that Comfort Brothers can make for the gentle surfer not in metro-Richmond, but encourage the gentle surfer to check out the above link, and work out something. If Suttle World can behold Ollie Burgers being air lifted in from Louisville...
...Coming to the rescue once again on a techno-stifled
Thursday is cuzin Matt, and another stellar installment of Bruner's
Texas Takes.
January 20, 2010
...Suttle World would like to extend its thanks to the voters of Massachusetts for complying with its request yesterday. The record is clear that Suttle World was absolutely stunned that the most liberal member of the US Senate was elected president in 2008. Suttle World is now slack jaw amazed that President Obama could return the Republican party to a state of viability after only one year in office. Suttle World is down with Brown.
January 19, 2010
...One big item on the agenda today, and it is only pertinent to the gentle surfer registered to vote in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and the gentle surfer inclined to vote regardless of its registration status. Kindly cast a ballot for Scott Brown, and save the Republic. Thank you.
...SOTD comes with a rare asterisk and point of order. Larry and the Blue Notes were a not so highly regarded frat band in the 60's, and had limited success with SOTD when released as "Night of the Phantom" in 1965---all those involved being certain 1965 and "sadist" wouldn't work. The "original," unedited version was finally released by the Downt label in 1995 under the original name.
January 18, 2010
...Enjoy the holiday.
January 17, 2010
...A season of glory is fizzling at the post season betting cage, and in spectacular fashion. The Saints hadn't won a game in over a month. The Cardinals are hot off their 96 point shoot-out with Green Bay last week, so, of course, New Orleans plays a damn near perfect game, and the Arizona strategy of saving salary cap money by filling key defensive positions with homeless men proves unsuccessful. Meanwhile, its business as usual in Indianapolis, as the Colts give a beat down to a Ravens ball club that all agreed was big and bad enough to hang with anyone. Such "common wisdom" now shimmers in its glittering oxymoronic glory. The gentle bettor now has a believed to be $70 profit on the year, as opposed to being up $720 when the playoffs began. Suttle World is tempted to try to gain back some of its mythical winnings, by making some exotic sage pick out of the two contests today, but will refrain. The board just isn't attractive. Dallas get 2.5 in Minnesota, while the Jets are getting a full 7 in San Diego. This is not to say that, Gene, the Caucasian, has folded his tent for the year. It just means, that he will refrain from making picks just because games are being played. It is such behavior that can have the gentle surfer being sought out by new friends named Guido.
...Alas canine duty, and sundry other chores in and around the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters abound, making for both a tardy and abbreviated Sunday update
January 16, 2010
...A little hoops talk, and then its on to the big events of the weekend. For those keeping score at home, no, the mighty fighting Colonials of George Washington University were unable to hold off the LaSalle Explorers (you just can't make this stuff up) by a single point Wednesday night 65-64. Still at 11-5 (1-2), GW is off to a much better start than anticipated, and have their eyes of the prize: making the Atlantic 10 tournament this year (yeah, the school two years away from a one loss season, did not qualify for their own league's tournament last year)! Meanwhile on the professional hardcourt, how about Jamal Crawford? The third year stud from Michigan, who leads the league in fourth quarter minutes played this season, nails a fade away 33 foot jumper at the buzzer as the Hawks find a way to win against Steve Nash and the Suns last night at Philips 102-101. Jamal is the bomb, and if legally possible, Suttle World would adopt Al Horford without any reservation. Actually, given the respective salaries, it would probably be in Suttle World's best interest to be adopted by Al Horford. Give the young Hawks some identity/a face for the team/leader, and the gentle surfer will be looking at the 3rd or 4th best team in the league. One that truly has a shot at (the gentle surfer should gird their loins): making the conference finals for the first time since arriving in the ATL in 1968.
...Big event #1: Suttle World will finish this morning's update, conduct the morning running of the beasts, and then wait in giddy anticipation for the arrival of bride of Suttle World who has taken the luxury of the long holiday weekend to make a rare Every Day Is Saturday commute to the western North Carolina Suttle World headquarters. Big news may soon follow. In the interim, the leasing gentle surfer who would like to make an upgrade from the current cardboard box in which they dwell to much swankier digs may contact Suttle World here.
...Big event #2: The NFL playoffs. Another four contests are scheduled for this weekend, and Gene, the Caucasian, is looking to make back much of this season's earnings that were left at the window last weekend. The gentle bettor is still ahead for the year, so let not your heart be troubled (a line that was stolen without attribution by the ultra white Sean Hannity from C. Miles a/k/a Ralph From Ben Hill/the most natural talk show host Suttle World has ever had the pleasure to hear, and who is still alive and well in the DC-Baltimore corridor). The style and syntax police are pounding at the door of Suttle World, so it will cease digression, and get to the issue at hand. Ok, the Caucasian's big play of the weekend covers both days, and takes the form of the traditional three play, six point teaser (net)---take Arizona +13 @ New Orleans; Baltimore +13 @ Indy; and Dallas +9 @ Minnesota. Suttle World won't bother breaking down the contests. Suffice to say that there are plenty o points available for the visiting teams to cover. Pays 9:5. The wager d' jour is simply taking the Cardinals +7 @ New Orleans (pays 9:10). The Saints have been a great story this year, and may well prevail at home this afternoon, but not by over a touchdown. Again, without objection, Suttle World requests unanimous consent to amend and extend its remarks come Sunday. Without objection, so ordered.
...Suttle World has turned neither a deaf ear nor empty wallet to the disaster that continues to unfold in Haiti. That being said, Suttle World is also of the same mindset that came immediately after the September 11th attacks against the US. Many gentle surfers felt compelled to do something immediately. Suttle World will wait. Yes, the need for aid is desperate, and the gentle surfer is encouraged to give as it may see fit. Unfortunately, Suttle World sees little but the most impoverished nation in the western hemisphere awash in absolute chaos following this week's earthquake. Suttle World simply can't see the efficacy in tossing a few more bucks on this pile of ruin at present. The abject need will still exist six months from now, and Suttle World will make its decisions at that point.
...Props to cuzin Paul who advises Suttle World of a not-too-long-ago listen to the great Jigs McDonald calling a recent NHL game. Suttle World was certain that Jigsy had joined the Boomer in that great penalty box in the sky.
January 14, 2010
...After being relegated to a wheelchair for nearly three decades following a car wreck, music legend, Teddy Pendergrass, died yesterday from complications of colon cancer. He was 59.
...Typically shielded from such media, Suttle World caught Spike Lee's film of the Broadway production Passing Strange last night on PBS. The show was a tremendous effort, and this, from Suttle World who would typically prefer to self-inflict blindness than have to watch a musical.
..."(AP) MIAMI – A record 2.8 million households were threatened with foreclosure last year, and that number is expected to rise this year as more unemployed and cash-strapped homeowners fall behind on their mortgages." 293 days until the off-year elections.
...Explosive experts are expected to consult with Suttle World later today as the last big push is made to remove two Titanic sinking sized ice bergs from the drive of the western North Carolina satellite headquarters. Mother Nature is pitching in---temps soared into the mid-forties Wednesday, and are expected to reach similar, or greater, levels today and Friday. The yards of unoccupied homes in and around the area still host a pristine 4-6 inches of snow cover that fell four weeks ago on December 18. This is western North Carolina not North Dakota.
January 13, 2010
...Daybreak will be no friend for the western side of Hispaniola. The death toll following a 7.0 earthquake yesterday evening is beyond imagination, and the delivery of aid unfathomable.
...Though its within the realm of possibility, Scott Brown doesn't need to win next Tuesday's Massachusetts Senate race. Just coming close in the commonwealth that hasn't elected a Republican senator since 1973 will be a straw of significant mass to break the Democrat's stranglehold on Congress. Polling data indicates only a third of the American public is in favor of current health care deform (odd, given nobody knows what the bill is or does), unemployment remains at double digits...294 days until the off-year elections.
...Harold Ford is evidently pondering a move to New York to run for a Senate seat there. This could be a trend, if liberal Democrats could all be rotated into the Empire State for a run at the world's most exclusive club, they could at least be corralled within one jurisdiction.
...From the man bites dog department: none of this morning's top searches on Yahoo involve an entertainment celebrity. Tiger heads to list (damn, I'm funny! Did you hear about the graphite shaft?) that also, inexplicably includes Colt McCoy, along with Haiti, the Detroit Auto Show (?!), Iran and China. Suttle World ponders as to exactly the gentle surfer is searching for when entering "China."
..."(AP) WASHINGTON – Top bank executives can expect a grilling when they appear before a congressionally appointed panel investigating the causes of the 2008 financial collapse." The Suttle World staff continues to scour Washington schedules for the appearance by members of Congress to be grilled by the business community for their role in the 2008 financial collapse.
...The always brilliant Theodore Dalrymple begins the new decade by resolving to make fewer resolutions in this piece that appears in the NY Daily News, as opposed to City Journal where Suttle World often finds his more lengthy and erudite opinion pieces.
...Belated props to the Hawks who went to Boston and beat the Celtics Monday night. Tonight, Atlanta visits the Washington Buzzards before returning home Friday to face Phoenix. The Hawks remain the fourth seed in the NBA East---1.5 games behind Orlando in the Southeast Division. Meanwhile on the collegiate hardcourt, the mighty fighting Colonials of George Washington University (11-4, 1-1) continue their surprisingly upstart season---visiting Philadelphia tonight to take on Atlantic 10 Conference rival LaSalle.
January 12, 2010
...For the record, the just concluded unnamed decade did not witness Suttle World enter a movie theater, and there is no luring adventure on the horizon to break the nearly 15 year long streak.
...Suttle World is shocked that Mark McGwire has come forward with an admission of over ten years of anabolic steroid use up to and including his recording breaking 1998 season. Does steroid abuse preclude McGwire from consideration for the Hall of Fame? No, McGwire's own numbers preclude him from admission into Cooperstown. Meanwhile, props to Andre Dawson who will be the only inductee in the HOF class of 2010---a most deserving inductee who played the majority of his stellar career without knees.
...Next up, its cuzin Matt with the decade's
first installment of Bruner's Texas Takes
January 11, 2010
...A tough weekend on the gridiron for Gene, the Caucasian, who fails to cash a ticket and give back over half of the season's winnings. At least Suttle World gets the Cardinals right, but only after blowing a 17-0 lead in the first quarter to win the game in an overtime thriller. Alas, by Suttle World's calculations, the gentle bettor has now a mere $270 profit remaining on a $1050 investment after the first weekend playoff debacle.
...Well, at least they like us. A poll commissioned by a number of international news organs has determined that nearly 70% of Afghanis support the presence and increase in US forces in their country. This would be encouraging if not for the fact that what 70% of Afghanis have supported in the entire history of the land mass has been of absolutely no consequence whatsoever. Suttle World supports the expanded effort in Afghanistan, but is also going to go out on a limb, and predict that the January 11, 2060 update could make reference to US forces in Afghanistan that will still be in place (see: Japan, Germany, Korea, et al).
...Time magazine is reporting that "according to the paper, "Payment for Sex in a Macaque Mating Market," published in the December issue of Animal Behavior, males in a group of about 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, traded grooming services for sex with females." Suttle World finds irony in the fact that the colloquial spanking the monkey could cause this critter commerce to crash, while it probably costs more in the macaques market (little leather monkey Nazi uniform extra as well).
January 10, 2010
...The gentle surfer with complaints and a lower net worth this morning than yesterday should direct their complaints towards management of the Cincinnati Bengals and Philadelphia Eagles, neither or whom showed up for their NFL playoff contests yesterday. Its water under the bridge---about exactly half the extra water the gentle bettor had collected on previous prognostications. So, what's a mother to do? No, not double down, but make a somewhat intelligent play that will help get the gentle surfer back to close to even for the weekend. Sunday brings a two team parlay, using the lines as modified through Sunday morning. Take the Patriots -3.5 at home against the Ravens, and the Cardinals -1.5, hosting the Packers---pays 13:5; and, if successful, should get the gentle bettor within a Benjamin of breaking even for the first round of playoffs. Suttle World would hasten to add that a playoff game that generated some degree of excitement might not be such a bad thing either.
...Suttle World sends its regrets to the gentle surfer who has expected flames of indignation to shoot from the monitor regarding Democrats meeting in secret to make the health care deform sausage that will begin full and complete government control over 14% of the nation's economy. Suttle World suggests such behavior is plentiful in the dog bites man aisle. Suttle World would care to underscore the bigger picture once more that is proven once again by these clandestine negotiations: nobody behind this abortion of a bill has any interest in improving the health and well being of the American public. Many of the placard toting morons who support the notion are stupid enough to believe such things, but upon being sworn in, new members of Congress are secretly briefed that there is no Tooth Fairy. Shelia Jackson Lee continues to hold out on both the Tooth Fairy and a "public option." Only 297 shopping left until the off-year elections that, mercifully, fall on the earliest possible date permitted by the Constitution, November 2 (as though that old hackneyed piece of parchment means anything).
...Suttle World is beginning a project whereas adherents of Nobel Prize winner Al Gore's notion of global warming could form a small committee and pay the heating bills for both stately Roberts/Suttle Manor and the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters. Suttle World never wishes any poor circumstance befall any gentle surfer, but if Al Gore just happened to wander over the North Korean border...
...French dude says he's now calculated Pi to nearly 2.7 trillion decimal places, 23 billion digits more than the previous record set last August by a Japanese dude. Evidently this is a record of some sort, and Suttle World doesn't get it any more now than it did in the era of slide rules. Do a crossword puzzle or express your dog's anal glands for God's sake---something worthwhile. This trick has been done before.
January 9, 2010
...Attempting to avoid the inevitable, Suttle World begins this Every Day Is Saturday update at daybreak---just prior to canine duty. Location is not an issue with regard to climate, The charts and graphs show an identical 12º at both stately Roberts/Suttle Manor and the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters. Time to layer up, don the lovely insulated gloves, hat and face cover that is worthy of a liquor store robbery in the finest of states (an astute gift from bride of Suttle World), and allow three obnoxious animals to drag Suttle World around the block. Nothing new here, and Suttle World should return to complete the update; but just in case the elements win this particular bout, its been a blast.
...A blast indeed. The sign up sheet still has openings for the remainder of the weekend. The gentle surfer interested in embarking on one of these exotic brief outings is urged to contact Suttle World here,
...The weather notwithstanding, its a damn good weekend for the American couch potato. The NFL gets its playoffs underway with two contests both today and Sunday; and this only some of the fine sports fare available to the gentle surfer. For now, Suttle World sticks with the meat and potatoes on the menu---football. In today's first offering, the Jets tee it up in Cincinnati at 4:30, and are listed as a 3 point underdog to the Bengals (over/under is 33.5-34). Arguably, the Bengals haven't played a good team in a big game for many moons, but the Jets go on the road with a rookie quarterback. Suttle World simply can't see Mark Sanchez becoming the stuff of NFL lore with a win in his first ever playoff game, especially given the "bitter cold's" effect on a native SoCal kid and USC alum. Meanwhile, the nightcap is scheduled for 8:00 with Philly in Dallas. The Eagles are 4 point underdogs against the Cowboys, and the over/under is listed at 45. Suttle World believes the law of averages is screaming that Wade Phillips is destined to win at least one playoff game in his career, and this may be his big show biz chance. That said, in Suttle World the Cowboys always cannot suck enough, so Suttle World will align itself with the Santa booing, ice ball tossing, ["yo"] Philly fans, and go with another law of averages: its mighty tough to beat the same team three times in the same season. Dallas won both regular season matchups. All this pithy analysis aside, it is simply the goal of Gene, the Caucasian, to end up with more bucks come Sunday night than hanging around this morning. The Caucasian does not take his stellar, abbreviated, 4 for 5 season of picks that have the gentle surfer up $720 on a $500 investment, but will probably get whacky as the weekend progresses.
...To that end...Gene, the Caucasian, recommends the following plays before the first kickoff this afternoon: 1) two team, six point teaser (net): Jets @ Bengals over 28, and Philadelphia +10 @ Dallas (pays even money). 2) three team, six point teaser (net): Bengals +3 v. Jets, Jets @ Bengals over 28, and Eagles +10 @ Dallas (pays (9:5). 3) three team, six point teaser (net): Bengals +3, Arizona +6, and Baltimore +9.5. 4) The real gimmicky, half wager just for giggles, and the potential for a huge reward---4 team parlay, Bengals -3; Eagles +4, Cardinals even, and the Pats -3.5 (pays 11:1). The Caucasian reserves the right to make any necessary adjustments "at the turn"/following today's games. Today's outlay equals $350, with a potential payout bonanza of tickets worth $1,260. Got it?
...Props to the Hawks for coming out of the second half gate strong last night to beat the visiting Celtics handily.
...Other sports action of possible interest to the gentle surfer this afternoon include two feature college hoops matchups: Duke @ Georgia Tech (noon, ESPN2) and Carolina @ UConn (4:00, CBS). The gentle surfer is urged to check its local listings for regional programming as well.
...The first job numbers of the new year are out, and they have not improved. There will be only 9-10 other such reports between now and the November elections. Suttle World could never have imagined Democrats running as scared as they were back in '94, but such seems to be the case as the off year balloting approaches.
January 8, 2010
...Technology at least gave it a shot mid-week, but proved unreliable. Suttle World once again will send a staff directive to resolve the issue/necessity/dependency on a series of connections now necessary to publish from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor. This morning, Suttle World publishes from the western North Carolina satellite headquarters---having made an early arrival Thursday evening to avoid the potential of weather that could have prevented arriving. Winter weather that never materialized, at least in terms of precipitation. Suttle World has no objections, and the festivities only get better with dry clean roads for bride of Suttle World to navigate this evening for her eagerly awaited arrival.
...Meanwhile, the Suttle World staff reports that a dusting of snow has engulfed the metro ATL in and around stately Suttle/Roberts Manor; and, as is the custom, western civilization as known by most has been temporarily suspended. Bride of Suttle World reports no difficulties in making her pre-dawn commute, but that evidently other workers in the ATL are finding the half inch of snow to be much too onerous to bear. Web sites for various news organs in the city are filled with pics of havoc. And while Suttle World is not physically present to aid the afflicted, Suttle World is with its fellow Georgians in spirit. Courage.
...Props to bride of Suttle World for noting a brief Facebook posting yesterday by one Handsome Dick Manitoba/The Handsomest Man in Rock n Roll/King of Men: "We played last year in Spain...We did really well. We got together again this year and decide to play, but Andy, the songwriter doesn't want to. So there probably will be some sort of Handsome Dick Manitoba, Ross The Boss, Top Ten, JP, (T-Bolt) shows at some point, playing your fave Dictator and MWK hits!" Cuzin Sal has weighs in with basically the same take as Suttle World that this simply makes too much sense. Andy Shernoff's solo shows have been spectacular, and he seems committed to pursuing it further. Why not have the other boys and play? Suttle World is very encouraged, and perhaps motivated to make a long overdue update of the Hillbilly Dictators Jihad section of Suttle World that has long been neglected.
...While still in The Dictators aisle, Suttle World would hasten to award 500 Suttle World bonus points to JP, Thunderbolt, Patterson on his recent release, The LP is Dead. Tis a stellar effort, and a steal at $12. By a single day, Suttle World extends a happy birthday shout out to Thuderbolt,
...Let's see if Suttle World has this straight. Blinded partisans notwithstanding, everyone in the Wide World of Sports was certain that Alabama would beat Texas, and win a "national championship" last night. The Longhorns' only shot rested with stud quarterback Colt McCoy. McCoy goes down early, Bama builds a big lead, and then has to hold off a freshman back up 37-21---a game that became much closer late than the final score would indicate. Perhaps those of the Wide World of Sports would care to consider how Boise State would have fared (they're still 14-0 for the inquiring gentle surfer). Perhaps Florida's beat down of Cincinnati proves something. Perhaps a playoff, and the awarding of a real national championship would answer all these questions. Memo to the collegiate freak (and you know who you are): no, scrotum breath, your prized "institution of higher learning" has never won a Division I football championship. There has never been one awarded by the NCAA---unlike the 180+ other athletic championships in which a winner is determined.
...Props to cuzin Matt for all the info on border radio (up to 1 MILLION watt stations that operated just south of the border from the thirties to the seventies to avoid FCC restrictions). Suttle World had brought up the subject during the Bruners visit over the new year, but it was cuzin Matt who followed up, directed Suttle World towards a much anticipated book on the subject, and other various "essays" to be found on the internet had only the ever inept Suttle World staff had bother to "Google" (10 demerits to Suttle World for using the word Google as a verb).
...Suttle World did not require a mea culpa from the President, but found his remarks on security yesterday afternoon to be all fine and good. What Suttle World found most intriguing was an immediate curiosity as to whether President Obama was responding directly to recent remarks of former Vice President Chaney when stating clearly that "we are at war with..."---a verbatim reply Chaney's charge that the President does not think the US is at war with a number of factions/nations/weird beards.
...Is Suttle World the only idiot to wonder as to whether some secret motivation/directive of someone at the TSA is to make getting on an airplane so damn difficult that more will opt for a hideous Amtrak ride, so as to help prop up the money leaking government run railroad? By Suttle World's recollection, the American taxpayer currently loses/subsidizes only $45 or so of every Amtrak ticket bought---over $250 a head for that really cool Zephyr train across the northwest.
...Long overdue (couple of weeks), and props to the ever brilliant Ben Stein, for his quote: "what we need is for government to get its foot off the economy's oxygen tube, and let it get back to work."
...Suttle World is proud that today, January 8, SOTD features its first tune released in this decade/2010. That's what the "record" says---yeah, in a, damn, I'm funny kinda way/"record." The Doughboys do good work.
...Coming events: Gene, the Caucasian's Playoff Picks through the weekend. Four for five for the season, and working on a four straight ticket cashing bonanza!
January 6, 2010
...Tough night for Tech fans. First, Iowa gives the Jackets a beat down in the Orange Bowl while the 20th ranked cagers from North Ave. take it on the chin against rival Georgia in Athens. Perhaps more pathetic is that the gentle surfer could have walked up to the box office and bought a ducat up to and after tip-off.
...Remote connectivity is achieved for the fist time in many moons, but is intermittent at best---making for yet another short update today.
January 5, 2010
...Its a travel day for Suttle World, so the lame update is truncated that much more.
...Props to Boise State that completed a perfect season last night against unbeaten TCU in the Fiesta Bowl, and in doing so collects a national championship. Check that, the Suttle World staff steps in the remind Suttle World that there is no Division I college football championship, and that the Boise State team will receive a certificate suitable for framing if they print one for themselves.
January 4, 2010
...Yes, it is very cold in the great out of doors. Enough said.
...Props to the Atlanta Falcons. With a 20-10 win over the hapless Tampa Bay Bucs Sunday, the Falcons notch their first two consecutive winning seasons since the franchise expanded to Atlanta in 1966. Cannon Ball Butler is a proud man this morning.
...Another NFL regular season is in the books, with playoffs set to begin this Saturday with rematches of Dallas/Philly and Bengals/Jets. Sunday, there's yet another re-match from week 17when Green Bay visits Arizona. New England and Baltimore make up the fourth and final first round weekend action.
...The new decade just keeps getting better. Suttle World was a tad confused when it noticed that Soundgarden was among the top five searches on Yahoo this morning. Further investigation reveals the reason: one of the planet's most tedious acts is set to reunite this year. Somehow mankind has survived the past 12 years without any input from the four piece from Seattle---the birthplace of more overrated music acts than any other American city.
January 3, 2010
...OK, so Suttle World takes a couple days off around the new year. To quote the late Cardinal O'Connor (or a reasonable facsimile thereof, in the form of a nationally syndicated morning radio show producer, now simulcast on the Fox Business Network), "be glad for what ya get, ya little bastard heathens ya, bejesus." Now, what exactly has the gentle surfer missed?
...A simply sublime several days with dear Suttle World friends Matt and Kelly Bruner. Reviewing the short updates below, Suttle World will stop, and remind or inform the newer gentle surfer that we are talking author and recording artist Matt Bruner, as in Bruner's Texas Takes---one of the very few worthwhile efforts in Suttle World. 2010 was immediately preceded with a feast lovingly prepared by bride of Suttle World. In other news, the two couples both remained conscious until after midnight. Another complete repast of traditional southern New Year's Day cuisine was prepared by bride of Suttle World, and all finally discovered who the next Iron Chef will be, following a mini-marathon of jumbo shrimp and fried chicken head dishes that were prepared on the TV through the afternoon hours. The fellowship of all was fun, and once again Suttle World is honored beyond words by the Bruner's visit. 2010? So far, pretty damn good.
...Props to Bob Eubanks and the ditzy chick who sounds like Betty White for hosting the Travel Channel's coverage of the Tournament of Roses Parade. Their keen insights into the faux-pas, malapropisms and just plain stupid commentary made the world's most photographed event riveting for Suttle World to watch for the first time in memory. The team could give Chris Berman and Ray Knight a run for their money.
...The now traditional outdoor NHL game is once again a smashing success, but leaves Suttle World that much more confused. If hockey can gather their feces together to pull off something as big and successful as this, why not can't make some of the hard and simple changes in pay structure, acquiring a real TV contract, etc... that are necessary to, literally, keep this league afloat? Suttle World stipulates that a dozen of so cities could always support major league hockey, but the NHL in its current form is on the verge of being the first "big league" to fold since well before WWII. No, the USFL doesn't count, nor does soccer or mergers.
...Props to Leah Hitchings whose commentary cleared the AP wire over the weekend. Seems as though Ms. Hitchings shares Suttle World's frustration with the decade that never was properly named.
...After reviewing the nameless decade for the best of stories, the Suttle World staff collectively volunteered to commit itself for a 72 hour evaluation. Almost ten years to the date, the Time-Warner/AOL merger was completed---setting the tone for the next ten years. 2001, of course, saw the biggest spot news event since at least Pearl Harbor, when the September 11th attacks were made against the World Trade Centers and Pentagon. A dubious war ensued in Iraq that continues at this writing. Katrina visited in '05, and most of New Orleans is still a heap of rubble. President George W. Bush finished his second term----successfully doubling the size of the federal government on his watch. This was followed by the election of the first non-white in US history to be chief executive---a guy who re-doubled the size of the federal government in just eight months during a worldwide financial meltdown. Unemployment tripled while the value of most real estate fell dramatically, along with equity markets and the dollar. Still, all was not dismal. Suttle World debuted. The Dictators came out of hiding for the first half of the decade, and released three lps (one new, one live, and one of old demos and such---equaling their production of the previous 25 years). Suttle World once again slipped into the blissful arms of matrimony. The Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic was initiated, and a wonderful friendship was rekindled with cuzin Matt. Following careful consideration of the above, Suttle World is pleased to announce that the story of the decade is the matriculation of nephew Anthony Ridge Roberts as a member of Tucker High School's Class of 2009.
...Both sides of the aisle (damn, I'm gonna be funny) are in an uproar regarding airline security and the near disaster in the air over Detroit on Christmas Day. Suttle World is curious as to why no one has found someone in Amsterdam to get a beat down. That's where dude boarded the flight.
...For the record, no, it is not fun walking three dogs on a windy 11º morning as was the case at the western North Carolina Suttle World satellite headquarters this morning. The high temp today will not reach the freezing mark, and the mercury will fall only to a balmy 14º for Monday morning's outing. Openings remain on the sign up sheet. Contact Suttle World for details.
WORLD 
